The sounds of the cycling winds,
Deep inside me are deafening.
This hollowness that resides in me,
Is permanent I fear.
My once love, my Mariana,
What holds us together,
Is a mutual appreciation,
For this perpetual loneliness.
The child within you,
Is the lock on the prison door,
And my wounds dictate my fate.
Neither can escape this abhorrent matrimony.
I am remorseful for,
Your expected incarceration,
But what festers within me,
Is a need for a partner in this gangrenous sentence.
I fill my words not with malice,
But with my own indignity,
Because I am a lesser man,
To find contentment in our joint suffering.
For this my Mariana, I am truly sorry.
A contest entry
- a little fun with characterisation by aeolia.
500 points, ended January 5, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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aw, so sad; i like your interpretation of antonio, how resigned he is, yet how he wants her to suffer too even though he aplogises. good work with such a ... web of despair, if you could call it that.
just a little nitpick: you don't need a comma or fullstop at the end of every line, only where it's necessary. for instance,
"I am remorseful for,
Your expected incarceration"
does not need a comma after 'for'; would you naturally pause there reading this aloud? i'd think not. when addressing people (o, my mariana, how i love you), adding strings of descriptions/actions (the wrestling, raging tides) and so forth require commas. still, a minor point. good work!
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wonderful
makes me feel like crying
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lovely deep poem brings a tear to my ey
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Antonio Carducci, 30, a wounded merchant, writes a letter to his pregnant wife Mariana – their marriage has been fraught with hatred and indifference, and his gangrenous leg smells and reminds him of his festering heart; Alexandria, Egypt, 1655
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