Private little thoughts
that no one else would ever understand
sifting through them like
the lint in my wallet
their worth probably about the same
Private little moments
of fragmented time
when I am who I am
No pretenses here
Only me,
what I have become is
really what I have always been.
Privately I dream of other selves
I have yet to become or know
All much grander than this reality
before me and the fact that I am
I am dismal at my current state
Private little moments
Wishes upon stars and dreams
where futures are successful
and present moments fill with joy
Unlike the despair and daily
sadness that turns my little moments
into torturous hours, days and years
of unfulfilled promise.
How does this poem make you feel? What was your general impression?
Comments
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This poem gave me an impression of immense frustration at how life is right now, compared with how you wish it could be. I feel that way, too.
before me and the fact that I am
I am dismal at my current state
In this part, the wording sounds awkward and clunky. Plus, the repitition of "I am" -
I believe that we all share those private thoughts and a lot just don't want to admit it.
The very last paragraph the word And doesn't seem to fit. Maybe just do something like ~
present moments filled with joy
Take the And out replace fill with filled..just an idea anyway no biggie.
A deep poem for sure.
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seems to me every one has their hidden secrets. however small or large it may be, it is still ours.
personally this poem makes me feel relaxed, but it also makes me sad because sometimes it is not good to keep things inside for so long.
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