Looking For purpose

My eyes feel so weary with a lead like feel
Life has passed too many curve balls this year
Overwhelming feeling of grief, just does not leave on command

Digging for a purpose to make life have sense around us
Once I was a wife to my dearly love husband
Now  he departed to heaven gates

Now as I look back I can not see the rhyme or reason does nnn
For me to be here, searching for answers seem to disappear

Now I lay here wondering how to go on without you
My heart miss you and is afraid of letting you go
Dating at my age it feels like it for their young pups

Looking into the sea of despair, how could that day go so wrong
How am I really going to cope with night terrors that repeat again in my mind

The real inner truth is that I am drowning in my sorrow of tears
Not wanting to go on all alone, empty, like a part of my soul was taken

I do not pretend to know God plan it far too complex for me
I am holding on to any thing while it so hard to hold on to the good things of this earth

Healing is painful and it hurts opens up old woulds of old loss
Being human is not an easy task

Hopefully some day it shar3e get better


for me.