going.
my stomach spinning in circles
making myself sick
thinking about you and everything else.
so stressed
letting it all get to me
not eating
letting "lianna" back out
im not sure what to do.
im scared of losing you
so im driving myself crazy debating if what i did was right.
i mean i know i told you i loved you more like my brother or my bff
but i really dont think that is true..
i lay here
making myself {miserable}
not exactly sure why
one of the other reasons i broke it off
was just to get my head back on and straight
i dont know why
because all this did was make it worse.
i told you i knew i would end up hurting you
you seemed like you didnt believe me
and now i have
i never wanted to do that..and now im just all falling apart
nothing makes sense
im through with everything
i dont care anymore
dont seem to give a shit about anything
im going back to that one way i knew so well for so long to solve my problems
when i really dont want to.
~everytime~
i give you my blade so i dont hurt myself more
...
then i go and find another
its like a comfort thing
and idk
its like it has this binding grasp on me and wont ever release.
i know you think i can stop,
know it is possible to stop.
but idk i need your help with it
im just a weak pathetic soul
that loves you so much
but is _scared_ of
[Commitment]
and
so i do what i was taught
.R.U.N.A.W.A.Y.
i shouldnt
and i dont know
whenever things last so long
and are so good
i can never believe its true
so i go and
tuck in my tail and hide from it
im so use to everything good leaving me
that i cant seem to let anything good stay....
so im not sure where to take it from here
where
how to take it all back
how to get rid of that feeling that scares the shit out of me
and
actually stay happy for once...
i have a problem with crushing everything that makes me and others happy
so im not just hurting myself im hurting you
and i guess
i probably making it worse always writing
and showing it to you
but
i
*only*
"do"
//it//
{because}
&i love you&
...^so please forgive me^....
?and take this where you think it needs to be?
-i wont fight back-
....just keep fighting myself...
because you=the world
Author notes
ya for him again
- cutters and bleeders group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Have you ? by aurora13.
520 points, ended November 30, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Light and Darkness by Jason Smith.
400 points, ended November 30, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heart Divided by slippingofftheedge.
400 points, ended December 4, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what cha think?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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powerful and meaningful
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awwh...this is a sad poem but i think its sweet at the same time. im sure you'll find things that will make you happy. everyone has a point in their life when they assume there is no point of it all but there is so much to do and be happy for. sometimes //it// isnt the best way to show how much u care about someone. maybe just sit down and have a talk wit him. tell him whats on your mind. im sure he'll understand. everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. keep writing hun and stay strong!
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aww thanks sweetie..and ya we did talk and we actually doing alot better ...thanks
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this is really good and really sad. i understand what you're feeling here. I had someone that I felt I was practictally torturing because I couldn't seem to stop cutting and I'd give him my knife or pin or razor and then I'd find another one. If he demanded it from me, I often had about two more on me. I would tell him I cut and he would say stop and then I'd say I can't and I'd write suicide notes that I showed him...I think I wanted him to understand but knew I could never make him...I don't know but I fully understand the feeling...I was able to move on...maybe you can? or maybe you can get back together.
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i dont know...he is still hanging on...i kinda want to get back together with him but im scared i just gonna keep hurting him..and i cant stop even tho i try to..and ya i normally have like 3 or 4 on me and i wld give him one then find another...idk but thank u..and im glad u moved on
-lindsay xoxo
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A very powerful write about the 'side-effects' of breaking up with one that you loved so deeply. One mistake that I picked up was that you spelt bf with two f's. But do not worry too much about that, it was a very good write
Good luck in the contest -
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no that is not a mistake i meant broither of best friend you know..but ya lol thanks for tellingme incase it was the other way..thank you so much!!
-lindsay xoxo
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Your words touched my heart.. Such simplicity, such honesty and so much of love ...
Thanks for sharing ... and Good Luck !!!
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aww
thank you so much..im glad you could feel the emotion in it...im debating if i shld give this to the guy i was refering to ...lol
-lindsay xoxo
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"because you=the world" awww babe i love you...i wish u guys would just get back together allready! ughhh
xoxo
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lol ...aww thanks babe...idk i hate how when u d shit like i did then like regret doing it...it sucks and makes life even more complicated...lol..but idk we working it out at least we are talking and stuff
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ur welcome. yea i hate it too...
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awe this was really heart felt
&& i can tell u wrote it from ur heart
i myself am afraid of commitment
but i try to work past all of what happened in my past...
hopefully things will get better for u
thx for sharing
-Lin-z
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ya i am trying hard to....i think we worked it,out thaanks so much for the comment and i wish u luck to.. xoxo
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once u finally figure out u can't go a day w/o sum1
that's mainly a sign u need them in ur life...
glad u worked it out or are on ur way too
&& no problem
&& thx =] -
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aww thanks
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ur welcome =]
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