if you didn’t have
a mind a heart a soul
I would just call your skin
an empty sac
I would fill you with my own dreams
and carve your insides with my broken palms
I would polish your eyes
with my own useless ones,
leaking in the worst of storms
a new person would grow
solid as a rock
not I, or you,
but he
would have determination like doves,
he would cry like a baby and hope
like the poetry of a philosopher
but most of all he would live
which proves that together
we give birth to miracles
and kill them sometime later
A contest entry
- Celebration on 500 Trophies! by Harrisham Minhas.
1500 points, ended December 7, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Excellent
What a well crafted poem. So perfect for the contest. Thank you for sharing.
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This is a thought-provoking poem.
Nicely expressed.
Though it is over the 20 line limit of this contest.
Thanks for your entry.
Harrisham Minhas
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Oh dang. I got carried away when I was writing it and completely forgot about the lime limit!! I'm sorry. You can remove if you wish.
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No problem.
You may edit the lines as per the contest requirement.
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*edited, thanks
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this is really interesting, i really like what you have written here, it's so deep and powerful, and just wow, best of luck in the contest
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YEAH
Now
Thats the ending i'm TALKING about.
God, I'm a bad influence. -
I don't like the end .. it's not strong enough.
I do love the rest though. It's clear in description and effective.
"hope like the poetry
of a philosopher"
- lol.
lol because people say I'm so much like a philosopher.. but then... where's the hope in my poetry?
x.
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if you didn’t have
a mind
a heart
a soul
I would just call your skin
an empty sac
the whole poem was golden but the start is what got me, the most, i like the saying right there, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest -
wow....this is superb!
loved it, and such a powerful ending. haha, it keeps bumping the reader on the head, and making them think more, and swell with ideas
good luck and take cae
Stephanie ♥
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I like it, but it does seem like there is something wrong with it.
I don't know either. Gahhhhh!
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