lights flicker on and off
with no hands on the switch
lights on, I love you
lights off, I fear you
jittery infliction
faces the crevices in between
my fingers
the grooves that resent
their emptiness
wondering who will fit them
after it's over
for now they remain folded
in uncertainty.
A contest entry
- Easy as Pie by Cyanide Dreams.
3250 points, ended April 17, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
lost in my insanity
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
This really amazes me. I never would have thought of the lights on, lights off metaphor. These words, "jittery infliction" really add to the vibrant feelings of fear and anxiousness I get from reading this. I like how you didn't capitalize the beginning of each line like most poets do, it made the emotions feel more raw and powerful.
Great job and good luck in the contest! -
This was an interesting write. I really enjoyed it. The imagery is great. The emotions in this poem are well put together and the flow is really good as well. "Lights on, I love you/ Lights off, I fear you" I loved that, its interesting and it makes me think. Nice job on this.
Josh
-
Yes..I can relate with it..this is the truth of this life..and you have sketched it very honestly my friend..well done...
-
Oh oh....
If this is from personal experience....BEWARE! Powerful write & sure sounds like the real things! I can so identify! Love the metaphor, the intensity, flow & emotion! I wouldn't change a thing about this. Great continuity from start to finish!
-
interesting. about all i can say. i tried, anyway. not being mean, its just not my type of poem.
-
"for now they remain folded
in uncertainty."
So many different thoughts evoked by this. I'm a bit uncertain if you are alone or with someone and already considering the next lover? Well written anyway.
-
A wickedly creative twist on loves me, loves me not. You've captured the doubt that all love (and not love) goes through with a concise but robust write. Darn, now I'm going to have read more of you and see if this was a fluke
Wonderfully done... keep the ink flowing.
Ken
-
wow an amazing write. i love this ! i really loved :
"lights on, i love you
lights off, i fear you"
those are the best two lines!
great write thank you so much for sharing
-
This is a wonderful piece of writing Kerri. The metaphor of lights for emotion is quite apt, for how easily some turn their feelings on and off, as if they were controlled by a switch. The depth to this piece is profound, and strikes the reader. It makes one wonder, who is for me, is there one for me....
Bravo
'D'
-
This reminds me of myself.
My fleeting care, my fickle emotions.
Great message, you get it across even though this is short and sweet.
They're my favorite type of poem, haha.
Brava!
Keep up the good work, my friend.
Thank you so very much for sharing. -
I love it. It brings a new meaning to "Holding hands shoud be enough". I really like the 4th stanza. Great job.
-
I love how short this poem was, because with its few words, it embodied everything you needed to say. How you personified fingers and hands was beautiful =], especially the very last stanza. You illustrated all the feelings of loneliness within a person without even having to delve further than their hands.
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
-
i dont think i could tell you enough how amazing i think your writing is Kerri. i love how you use the lights to show your feelings. for having "writers block" this is quite wonderful.
-
Insane? Hardly.
Beautiful poem, although i'm curious to know what it is that you fear so much.
Excellent work pet.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
