Not a Poem

O.K. I realize that I'm writing this on a poetry website and that it's not really a poem but I've got to say it.
That was hard. Let me first say, I Love you. You know I love you and I know you love me. And I also know (and have since you said) that that love is only a friend love. I love you like a little sister. But that was HARD.
Don't get me wrong it was nice to meet him, he's a nice bloke and I get onwith him but I can't help but think if that could've been me if I'd had more balls.
Now that I think about it I don't think it could have been. You've always maintained that your not a physical person, that you don't hug people that much, that your not the sort of person to comfort or show love to people in a physical way. I accept that but it's different with him. I don't think you'd act the same with me (if we were an us) as you do with him (now you're a you two). It just seems to be a bit shit. Me and him are so much alike. We like the same things, we're of an equal intellegence (although I suspect he's smarter), me and him seem to get on so well that we're so similar.
I think I've had enough of being a third wheel. It's never a good thing.
If I'd asked a few years ago could that have been us?? I look at you too enjoying yourself and I'm jealous. That could've been me. Or not. Probably not, I'm not used to the idea but I will be eventually.
And to make it even more uncomfortable I felt like I needed to impress him. Because if you stay together (which I hope you do believe me. he's a good bloke) and you decide to go out on a night out or something like that. I don't want you to be deciding who to invite and for him to say "I don't want him to come along I don't like him" Because he's a part of you I don't want him to be upset with me because I'd see less of you.
I told you I'd never put you in a position where you felt you had to choose between me and him (it's not right no one should be there)and I won't. But that means keeping him happy so he can't put you in that position either.

I'm ranting and I know it.

Sorry.

Although. I've said it before and I'll say it again. At least that your with him I'm texting you more. Because I get more contact with you without feeling like I'm making you uncomfortable. It's going to bring us closer because I can talk to you about more stuff without the feeling that you might feel there's an ulterior motive. Like the whole woman thing.

I'm sorry again. I'm feeling sorry for myself. You know what I get like.