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you held my breath in calloused hands



he spoke in italics
giving grating words
a softer pain

as I watched april showers
turn to brimstone
letting fire seep into bone
and burn away the child in me


he danced with an abandon
that brought me to my knees –
his smile said he knew;



I’d never knelt before the kneeling...




Author notes

Hmm

A contest entry

Honesty would be lovely

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    Holy hell, this is amazing... This contest is really going to be a tough one! I love abstraction, and the imagery here is just over the top! Well done, & thanks for entering my humble contest


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the first two stanzas! great imagery and word choices...a very fresh write

    I really enjoyed this piece...and wish you good luck


  • Fug-azi
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First two stanzas are spot on.

    Not sure about that last line, I see what you are trying to say but it just doesn't sit well.

    Maybe 'needing' .. but then that changes the image.

    Sorry lost for ideas