How can I untie
The limb I thought was my own leg?
To sever- once the vital lifeline-
Appendage lying dead-
Oh how Naive!
To think you were of service to my blood!
Provide- for whom is needy needs-
to reprimand the flood
Of Lust-
Regain her trust-
Or choose a service to remain-
To pump another woman's blood and
leave her in disdain
Author notes
Inspired by Jason, once again... and Emily Dickinson of course!
=(^.^)= " ((kitty face))
Option #1
Poem title: 5
Written February 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Your best work by allaplgs.
400 points, ended June 25, 2004, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is a Metaphor?? by WhenWillsCollide.
300 points, ended April 16, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into GOLD pt 7 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Metaphorically rich, wonderful write. I have missed your words, although this is an older one, it is great. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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well written. you certainly got your point across...
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Wow, so neat how you equate the losing of a person to the losing of a limb. Good luck in the contest.
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Of Lust-
Regain her trust-
Or choose a service to remain-
To pump another woman's blood and
leave her in disdain
I like the subtle rhyme here, it adds something ambiguous and untouchable to the poem. I had to read this once, read the authors comments, and then read it once more before I could understand. At first glance, I bashfully admit I thought it was nothing deeper than inappropriate or gory (which goes to show I obviously didnt read it well) but upon reading the authors comments I read it again and found it to be romantic and tragic, two of my favorite things.
Beautiful write!
~Annie -
fabulos though i didnt exactally get it if i wasnt short on points right now i would so promote this poem cause well i absoulutly love it gosh darn i wish i could write like you
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Wonderful write! enjoyed reading this piece!
goodluck in the contest! and thank you for entering and following the one rule!!!
Sam -
this is a great style..i could never write like this..the poem is very unique...the sentence structures are disinct containing a lot of emotions and imagery..this was a very good poem..good luck in the contest! ~ Tina
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actually this poem is the fifth in my collection of poems inspired by the style of emily dickinson... and I am numbering them like she did- thats why it's called 5!
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Very excellent write. I don't understand how the title fits in but then again I probably do I just can't realize the blatent truth. but that is my fault not yours. A vivid picture appeared in my head. This poem was so emotional.....so real. It was very well written. I love the flow and in such a short poem you have managed to put a picture int he mind of the reader, to allow them tyo understand what you are tlaking about, and it is full of emotion for such a short peice. it is very powerful. I absolutly loved it. Excellent write and the very best 0of luck to you in my contest. Thank you for entering.
Love always,
Anya~~
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Lovely Write...I love the flow and the short length of the poem....remember to comment!.....
-cj -
he's cheating on his wife- he's 'pumping other women's blood' by being so important to them... but it's all false...
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dope
tHIS RYMED REALLY WELL AND IT ALSO SEEMED TO HAVE A VERY GOOD FLOW. hOWEVER I THINK i'M just too dumb to understand this piece. It's not your fault its just that I write exactly how I talk and I've never heard anyone who talked like that. I bet intelligent people could get into it a little more than me but you still did a great job. Good work keep it up -
WOW thank you... gosh I am SO enjoying your reviews... not many people give these dickinson poems a fair chance, or they read them but they don't stop to understand them and I am SO glad that someone finally is! THANK YOU!
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oh, ok, i see now. Anyway, great write. It's actually not very hard to understand. I enjoyed the image this presented, though. Wonderful. Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed reading this. Keep it up.
~Miranda -
Don't stop me now! Couldn't if I tried; I definitely feel as though I've found a twain spirit of some sort, leastwise in sensitivity . Seems to be a crutch reflection;loved the idea: the use of someone as an appendage, buttressing you, supporting you(or rather the act of being leeched by someone); To think, someone with such an infinite caress to words as you have, not supported by her own craft and intuition. Really shows me I've got a long way to go; almost too brilliant and coincident with your very choice motto "love rules without rules," you have a quite succinct but many-faceted way of gleaning your perspective onto paper; so as to stay my comment from become any more superfluous: I think this is equal parts elegance and brilliant content and is beautifully wrought--Yours Truly, Sly
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thanks... it's about letting go of someone so vital to you... that you thought was so important to you... who is really cheating on his wife
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good job
short, a litle strange to me but well written , congrats ! MARY
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Hey, i'll admit that Dickinson is not my favorite, however, there are a certain genre of her poems that i do like, and this fits in there quite well. I love the image of the limb that you have cut off. Geez, in fact, this is similar to the theme in a poem i just entered in your contest.
Wow. Anyway, good write, and thank you for sharing it with us. I've just met your poetry, but i think i'm going to have to get better acquainted.
Peace,
Lo
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This was an awesome write. Although, I must admit, I did not entirely understand all of its contents..
. I guess I'm just not as poetically skilled as others are. You really did an awesome job with this and I love how you compared your limb to a person. Very creative and deep.My favorite line was:
How can I untie
The limb I thought was my own leg?
I thought it was very well thought out and written. Great Write. Peace. ((Shadow-dweller)) -
ooh groovy... i like. very original imagery and nicely layed out. thanks for the entry
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thank you thank you thank you thank you thank YOU!
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mmmmm thank you thank you thank yoooooooou!!!! thank you so much! SECOND PLACE!! my goodnes, 0ut of like, 120 something entries, that's AWESOME! Thank you so much!!!
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Awesome piece sweetie and congratulations on your trophy~Well deserved~Great job~Woot woot~You have such a way with words~Bravo Big hugs
and much love~Desire 
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Mmm this poem is like warm pie in my belly. Good job with it. I LOVE the style you employ, and this wit is dead on. Thank you for entering-
Jess -
Strong of the heart and wonderful of the soul
Wonderful, strong and lovely words from a wonderful, strong and lovely poet and lady. You are so strong and getting stronger everyday and I am proud to be your friend always. Tim -
this was well written. i did enjoy. Lovely write sweets *~debi~*
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