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My Hell

If you're looking for me
don't
because I'm in a ditch
this ditch is so far away
it's almost in another world
and in that ditch I lay
empty from within
so if you happen upon this ditch
and find my empty shell
do not try to follow me
my hell is dark and deep
and the caves go on for miles
they never seem to end
so if you're looking for me
don't
I'll just trap you in my hell

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • EMOverlord
    August 19
    Edit | Reply
    Very good immagery and excelent use of metaphores, good job. Thank you for entering.


  • Kathraina silver member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Very raw emotions here.
    Good job with the imagery throughout this piece.
    Bravo




    ♥ Kate


  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    a tense write, are you really so bad? thank you for entering


  • Hannah Sophia
    May 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This poem is full of emotional torment. I feel sorry for the narrator of the poem. The way the narrator speaks is in a tone of dejection and gravity. The first two lines grabbed me and held me to the end. Try expounding a bit on your feelings. Maybe add a bit more imagery or metaphor and break the poem up into separate stanzas. However, as it stands, the poem is effective in its entirety. Thanks for entering!


  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoy the warning tone of this. I spent many years alone to save others from the man I had become. How hard must it be for well meaning others to understand that you are alone because you must be, not because you choose to be.
    good luck in the contest
    Peace


  • Symphony
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    Wow -

    It seems to me like there is so much more being said here. I mean, you used lack of description, simple short words and almost a lack of emotion, some might say,

    but to me, it seemed like you were saying so much more beneath the surface - as almost a plea for help? But at the same time, warning people off? Or I could be way off the mark...

    thanks for taking the time to enter


  • frozenblackpetals
    January 30

    Edit | Reply
    wow. there is some serious deeper messaging going on here. I totally loved the images, the last line and they simple way you state everything that totally packs a punch. thank you sooooo so much for entering!


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest


  • Ginger Woods
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wish it was longer, it was just so good, I didn't want to ever stop reading it. Thank you for your entry, and good luck . And sorry for the delay of judging.


  • Jaffa-
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ''so if you're looking for me
    don't
    I'll just trap you in my hell''
    My favourite lines. I really liked it. It had meaning and emotion. Very well done and good luck in the contests.


  • BlackBloodyRose
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i understand this and take it in a way im not sure if u mean
    like no one try to save me of some after me because ill just hurt you.


  • InMyFlames
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    saw you had no feedback so i thought i would comment.

    "so if you're looking for me
    don't
    I'll just trap you in my hell"

    those lines are my favourite, i hope you are doing ok havent heard from you in ages and idk if its just the way you write or you are depressed..


    so if you ever need to talk im here k's


1 - 12 of 12