my wings were probably lopsided
as the grin on my face, holding your hand,
making fun of mannequins with half-heads
and conducting imaginary polls:
coffee, tea, hot chocolate, or all three?
and I know there were people all around
&& my dress was static-clinging to my
tattered leggings
still I took your face in my hands and kissed you,
and the air about us grew calm and silent
and our hearts imploded
for all the passers-by to see
seconds shifted, time wavered,
and the world blurred on as usual
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites From November 2008 by amaranthine lover.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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how beautiful ♥
i adore this poem lots ♥
&white chocolate sounds really good just about now xD
i loveeee white chocolate, like whoa.
'and I know there were people all around
&& my dress was static-clinging to my
tattered leggings'
loving the imagery here ♥
-- lea`marie ♥
-
I love the not-cliché cliché here
-
Aww this is such a sweet write! You express yourself very nicely, with a great sense of time and position and space. I like the fact that it is so realistic too. Thank you for entering the contest
- Katelyn ♥ -
I love the moment you've created here, it feels very real, these simple things that make poetry true to life. The entire poem is great like this, but I especially like the lines:
"and I know there were people all around
&& my dress was static-clinging to my
tattered leggings"
Well penned,
~lost -
the second stanza
has this amazing picture
i can see it
weirdly amazing
and the last stanza
has the best vibe
i can see it
"wavered"
amazing diction there
love it
<33
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Whoa, this poem was so pretty, especially the beginning!!!
I would have never thought of what you did:
my wings were probably lopsided
as the grin on my face, holding your hand.
Wow how creative, i really have no words that I can physically describe except this was brilliant, it had a freedom vibe to this.
Astounding
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This is wonderful!
THIS is what should have been entered into my contest, silly.
It was perfect.
I love the imagery that goes unsaid in this piece. The story your words make me think about, just the intensity, care-free, happiness that it radiates.
It's fantastic and lovely.
Your writing is beautiful. <3 -
Ooh, that's quite lovely, innit?
-
always.
"and I know there were people all around
&& my dress was static-clinging to my
tattered leggings"
You're amazing.
I love love love! the way you write.
-
I really really like this.
seconds shifted, time wavered,
and the world blurred on as usual
-
beautiful!!!
ooooo go Maddie Saurus Rex!
=]
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