There is a life beneath the surface
Like a sunken ship,
Alternate existences float
In mysterious underwater streams,
Almost intelligible voices,
Like the song of whales,
Insistent as they beckon.
There is a life beneath the surface,
Murky and mysterious,
Not without danger,
Flashing silver ripples,
Promising promises.
We blink and open our eyes
Wide and hard, above the surface,
Think, hope,
Perhaps it is a dream,
This other life,
These other sounds,
This dark light just beyond
Our sight,
That pushes, slaps, repeats
Insistently,
On the beaches of our consciousness.
We look away, we close our ears,
We seek any ship to sail,
To turn our thoughts
To keep our minds afloat.
Until we find
That we’ve grown gills
And there is no choice
Except to
Dive.
Author notes
Revised, May 22, 2009
A contest entry
- Amaze Me With Your Words by Sue Cardwell.
1750 points, ended November 26, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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It seems that Adrienne Rich was still speaking to you through this piece, Lita. I could easily discern her voice within this poem, in reference to "dive" and the shipwreck, as well. Congrats on the trophy, Scribe. 
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Wonderful
Very creative and so well done. Congratulations on the honorable mention
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I loved the comparison between poets and the written word. The experience of drowning frequently, when searching for words, or diving for cover sprang to mind
The gentle ebb and flow of the lapping tide was soothing..much like the euphoria one feels with a job well done
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Writing can sometimes feel like an addiction, or sometimes like it's in our DNA and we don't have much control over it! I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thank you.
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How very kind of you! Thank you for reading and I do appreciate you taking the time to write.
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I am amazed as to what I have read here. Nice way with the conclusion of this. This describes the poets that frequent this site. THANKS!
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You are so kind to stop and read! I think a lot of the people here on AP are really diving all the time, and sort of living in two worlds! Thanks for your comments.
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Very nice and very different from you. This was filled with such wonderous imagery like this:
"In mysterious underwater streams,
Almost intelligible voices,
Like the song of whales,
Insistent as they beckon." - I truly enjoyed this; especially the surprise ending; very nice. You allowed my mind quite a bit of play-space - thank you for that.
AsIThink...
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Your remarks are always so supportive -- I'm glad you enjoyed this one; I think I surprised myself with the ending, too. You know, started out with the first part clear in my head, and just wrote until it ended itself... very weird. But then you understand weird, don't you? (Hee hee hee!)
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Just wonderful. Such a unique and expressive way to describe in inner sanctum of a poet's being. Imagery gallore and I sailed along comfortably, floated by your words. Great write and congrats on the trophy...alby
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I'm glad you enjoyed this! Actually, I would love to understand the whales' songs; I think they might be thinking something similar about us!
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Thank you for your entry in my contest. This is an excellent poem that was a joy to read and amazing from beginning to end, and what an ending...will we all dive together?
All the best Sue
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Thank you so much for your kind words, and for the HM! It means so much that you enjoyed it -- and yes, maybe, someday, we will all dive together!
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excellants notion of poetry and perfect ending! Really loved this;
for some reason i especially loved the referance to whales (i don't have a whale fetish, i promise)
just something about them singing in the deep...
maybe we're all trying to sing in the deep
and hope a few of the notes
can reach the surface
can find the sun
can find anyone.
great work poet!
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Your comment is a wonderful poem in itself -- I think many poets are drawn to sea images and whales and whale songs, for the very reasons you describe... if only we can be heard, if only we can be understood... I wonder if the whales wonder why we don't ACT like we understand... Thanks for your comments, as always. I really do appreciate them.
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This was amazing. Honestly. It makes me think of the feelings I get when ever I go to write poetry that just flashes in my head.
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You are an angel for stopping by, and I always look forward to your remarks. It does get pretty murky inside our heads, doesn't it, at least until we start to clear it up by writing! Thank you so much.
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I was really enjoying your poem when I came to the last couple stanzas...at that point I was really blown away. Really like what you did here. Like the imagery, but even more, the thought.
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How kind of you to read and make such lovely comments! I really do appreciate them. Thanks!
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WOW..
The title of the contest prompt just said how I feel..AMAZED.. beautiful work of art my friend.
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You are absolutely wonderful for all your kind comments -- I am always so happy when you stop by!
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Wonderful storyline and great imagery "H" in this super write. Love how the poem turns at the end....Excellent...mal
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I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I started writing this when I felt like I was being dragged underwater, but just had "too much to do" to sit down and write! But when I gave in and started writing, it became my lifesaver... Thanks for reading -- that's another form of "life-saving" for poets, yes?
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haha...very wise too. "Yes", it is.
AsIThink...
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