Autumn’s tortoiseshell sky
reclined across mountain’s chaise longue,
content to linger
while night stirred and rose.
A tangled weave of broken limbs
lay like nest for dragon’s sleep,
and they came, draped in woolen armour,
quilted masks pulled high
against flailing artic wind,
virgin warriors, wide eyed
tasting the wild adrenaline,
anticipating their conquests flesh
as it roasts in dying embers
of funeral pyre.
Now from the cart
frozen in fear, they carried our victim.
Alabaster skin reflecting flickering brands,
no sounds escaped his painted smile
when we placed him, like a king
upon his final throne.
A circle of stony stares
let murmurs slip,
“Remember, remember the fifth of November
gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
should ever be forgot... “
Author notes
Prompt: burn beneath the moon
Please delete if this is not up to standard, I'm trying to write myself back from being lost.
A contest entry
- burn beneath the moon by Pamela A Lamppa.
1000 points, ended November 26, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honest Critique Requested
Comments
-
I think whenever people write differently than normal, they feel it's not up to standard.
It is. It's just different.
I don't like the verse in the end. Well I do like the verse, I just don't like the verse in your poem. Ok ok, it's good there. But I rather see something you made.
ugh.
When I read it, I knew what I was going to read because I know the verse. So maybe you play around and leave the verse, but put some change in it..
-
woollen should be woolen.
Quick - fix
You have written yourself back from lost and I would not dream of deleting an entry from my contest. Good Grief!
This piece is powerful and dark. It holds chivalry tightly and remembers humanity with hard reminders.
Excellent work to this prompt. I will be back to read this again. Thank you for this delight. Impressive. ~Pamela
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