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A Stairway to Paradise

Missing image

 Link to graphic

 

Behind this home lies

a saltwater heaven.

  

Glass doors peel back

to reveal ...

well ... should I say?

Two people ... on a neat lawn.

 

No clothes on! None.

 

I say, neat lawns, well-dressed

with liquid fertilizer. And the couple

...but I daren't look ... yet I fear

they are ...

coupling.

 

Beyond,

orange blossoms waft

on a sea breeze.

A lovely day, really.

 

Author notes

Prompt: Write 60 words or fewer in free verse in the pattern of conscious thought.

A contest entry

Please critique.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • waydownuponjoy
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Interestingly ...

    this is an attention grabbing poem ... imagery that catches the eye and yet that 'scent' that stimulates the rest of the imagination. My favorite lines ...

    "Beyond, orange blossoms waft
    on a sea breeze.
    A lovely day, really."

    I would suggest that you let the word "beyond" have it's own line for pausation!

    jy


    • Lyndon gold member
      November 26, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Dear Joy

      Thank you for reading and averting your eyes as I did!
      And ... I did as you suggested with "Beyond". Thank you, dear poet.


  • Sandal
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You have caught the embarrassment. The lawn and garden are not striking enough to distract attention!

    • Lyndon gold member
      November 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Ah, Margaret, but the smell of

      orange blossoms! They remind me of parts of Palestine.


      • Sandal
        November 26, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        Congratulations for your new trophy!

        Alas, orange blossoms are not part of my olfactory archive.
        Gol-e-mariam (tuberoses) in Tehran may approach their sweetness, how can we compare?


  • McRae by nature
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, this is perfect and I am so happy to actually read a poem that fits the guidelines for this contest. Perfect thought Thank you.

    Carrie

    • Lyndon gold member
      November 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Dear Carrie

      It is lovely for you to say this.
      Regards, Ron.

1 - 7 of 7