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to Mandy Jo

In honor of Amanda Jo Abel (Carnegie)

She called me her friend. She was one of the few.
She saw in me things that no one else knew.

I was backward and shy, a chess club bore.
I had tape on my glasses. Need I say more?
She was one of the “popular” kids at the school.
But she crossed the line, broke an unwritten rule.
Intrigued by her interest, seduced by her smile,
she freshened my outlook and polished my style.
She taught me to soar like an eagle would fly.
I gave her a shoulder when she needed to cry.
We promised that no matter where life would lead,
we’d always “come running” if ever in need.

She married a friend and moved far away.
Her homesick heart was begging to stay.
With nowhere to turn and no friends to find,
she created a place to escape in her mind.
With an inner-rebellion that raged deep inside,
she barely resembled that beautiful bride.
Her body was ravaged. A self-induced crime.
She’d withered away in such a short time.
She looked in the mirror and actually said,
“I’m so over weight. I wish I were dead.”

Prophetic words from the shell of a soul,
who engaged in a battle and lost all control.
As I ran down the hall to the emergency door,
a shake of his head said, “She’s with us no more.”
Anguish screamed out at this undeserved fate.
My promise was broken. I’d shown up too late.
I wanted to tell her but I was too scared.
I’d practiced the words that never were shared.
Why didn’t she stop? Why couldn’t she see?
Why didn’t I help her like she had helped me?

I saw in her things that no one else knew.
She called me her friend, but it wasn’t true.

Author notes

Kevin Pace, WordsDoMatter

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Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. how deeply emotional
    and heartfelt this was. The pain
    of losing a friend so very loved
    must be the worst feeling in
    the world, especially when you
    feel you showed up too late.

    This was truly a beautiful write.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • SarahEatsAirplane
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    this is a really sad story. :\
    thank you for sharing it.
    this poem holds so much pain and emotion, it's intense to read.


    good job.
    good luck.


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    i would like to thank you very much for this wonderful entry into my contest and to remind you to email this to me if you haven't already done so. viyanna rosemarie


  • FallenFromGrace1102
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful heartwrenchingly painful write, keep up the awesome work. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. I really liked the lines:

    "With nowhere to turn and no friends to find,
    she created a place to escape in her mind.
    With an inner-rebellion that raged deep inside,
    she barely resembled that beautiful bride.
    Her body was ravaged. A self-induced crime.
    She’d withered away in such a short time.
    She looked in the mirror and actually said,
    “I’m so over weight. I wish I were dead.”"

    *~*bee*~*


  • starving4perfection
    February 2
    Edit | Reply
    ...well like i said last time wonderful piece
    thank you for the entry and the best of luck to you!


  • WednesdayJade
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is a heartbreaking poem. It brought tears to my eyes... I think it was the 'I'd shown up too late' that got me, not sure why.
    This poem carries a lot of emotion, you can feel the love, friendship, pain and guilt... very sad.
    =[
    x x x


  • ChelseySmile
    January 30

    Edit | Reply
    This write is so terribly sad. The emotions in the poem were very strong and touching.

    The flow in this poem is amazing.


  • stavykm gold member
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow that was so touching. Oh please don't be hard on yourself for the choices she made. I know that's hard to do for I honestly still struggle with that one myself. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious friend. She sounds like she was just a sweetheart.
    Well it's hard to believe that the ones that are so beautiful on the outside yet so extremely sensitive on the inside end up with some sort of severe addiction of the mind. Could be many of different choices in which their addiction becomes to fuel their shame and low self esteem. The enemy has a field day with these precious ones. All we can do is pray and ask God to forgive us where we fell short in helping them somehow. Yet I know we are powerless over the choices they make we can only do and be the best we can, and we all fall short on that one from time to time.
    Excellent poem, written very well with rhythm, and imagery with deep emotions and a excellent message. Thank you for sharing your gift to write poetry with me. Best wishes in all the contests. You are an amazing poet I can see. Very gifted by God.

    Blessings To You,
    Much Love,
    Kelle Marie


  • mari.masquerade.
    January 23
    Edit | Reply

    i think i cried!!

    this is soo beautiful,
    and beyond tragic!
    i'm soo sorry for your loss.
    :[


    • WordsDoMatter
      January 24
      Edit | Reply

      it was long ago

      I'm sorry the world missed out on knowing her.... thanks, how cool is it (despite the tragedy) to be able to evoke such an emotion with words oon paper (er... on screen), - Kevin


  • nobodys-girl
    January 21

    Edit | Reply
    this just made me cry! i'm in a similar situation with my best friend...this poem is just amazing. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck.

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 24
      Edit | Reply

      my prayers

      are with you and your friend. My hope is that this can help someone going through this... and to change the outcome. I hope you will share it with your friend. The world doesn't need to miss out on another shining star. - Kevin


  • Ms Raneika
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    Aw such a sad ending, thanks for entering this heartfelt piece.

    Love, Raneika


  • shadow-cry
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is one of the most moving pieces i have ever read, perfectly capturing the devastating effects of eating disorders. I found the rhyme particularly flowing. It is a sad story, especially as it is true, but i think it is necessary to let people know that this is how eating disorders can end up.

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 15
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      for your kind words. I too, believe people need to hear it, such a hopeless tragedy that could have been corrected - thanks - Kevin

  • starving4perfection
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a sad, upsetting piece, it made me cry! One of the best though cause it told a sad story in a very good way. Love the rhyming and it flows great! But im truely sorry it all happened like this...:'(
    thank you so much for entering and the best of luck to you!


    • WordsDoMatter
      January 15
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      for your touching remarks, she was a wonderful lady, the world missed out. - Kevin


  • Danna Hobart
    January 7
    Edit | Reply
    You have a steady rhythm to your rhyme, but the poem tells rather than shows. That is the biggest problem with rhyme. When I hold contests I look for imagery and metaphor. I used to post that on my contests. Guess I should start doing it again.

    Thanks for entering.


  • echo-ink
    January 3

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful, and you shouldn't be so down on yourself, she was /is your friend, and you WERE her friend, and she knew that,.
    People take different walks in life, but always remember those that meant so much to them, I am sure she knew you would have been there sooner if you could have.
    This was a wonderful tribute to your friend.
    I love rhyme, [MY FAV>] and you did a great job on this.
    Thanks for entering it in my contest.
    Bell

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 4
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      it was a long time ago... I am past the regret, except that the world missed out on her beautiful spirit - thanks - Kevin


  • xXxIceQueenxXx
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and tragic poem! I thank you so much for entering it in my contest. I wish I could say more but I don't think I could really find any words to describe how much I adore this poem! (or words strong enough to do this piece any justice! )

    Your rhyme is beautiful, and unforced, it flows so very well indeed. I actually wanted to cry several times toward the end too.

    "Prophetic words from the shell of a soul,
    who engaged in a battle and lost all control."

    Wow. Very tragic story, but beautifully penned!!



    (and I usually don't applaud poems in my contests, but this one deserves it!)

    • WordsDoMatter
      January 1
      Edit | Reply

      fortunately,

      I've gotten past the regret, now my regret is her amazing spirit is not here to share with the world. But, maybe, ... this piece will help someone see clearly the beauty within them, not the lies of the mirror. thanks for sharing your thoughts - Kevin


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm being honest in every comment that i write, and i shall be no different here. I read this through without feeling like at any point i would have to skip back up because i missed something, it was wonderfully worded, put together perfectly not only did it tell the story but it gave me a shiver. I thought this was superb. A very sorrowful, emotional write.
    Thank you, very much, for entering.
    Laura.


    • WordsDoMatter
      December 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      for your honesty, this is a well crafted review (not always what you get) - Kevin


  • ChunkyC
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    .....I'm so blown away right now... This poem is so sad... I'm tearing up... Oh my gosh.. I love this poem.. And if this is personal.. I'm so sorry.. I wish no one would ever have to go through something like that... This is so beautifully written.. I can't even begin to describe my favorite things about it because I'd just talk about the entire thing... This is beautifully writting and so amazing... Thank you for entering and welcome to the finalist.

    • WordsDoMatter
      December 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      unfortunately, every word is true... though it was 15 years ago... I've forgiven myself, but i still miss her. thanks for the great review - Kevin


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad story, beautifully written here.

    • WordsDoMatter
      December 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      for reviewing this piece. It was a sad story, every word was true. I have gotten over the hurt, and the self-blame, but I still miss my friend. I like your screen name, nice choice.. take care - kevin


  • Jade.Butterfly gold member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OH my this was so sad.
    Almost brought me to tears.
    Great write!
    -Mandi

    • WordsDoMatter
      December 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      this was a tough, but easy one to write... every word is true. I have gotten over the self-blame, but I still miss my friend. Thanks again - kevin


  • Blooming Poet
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    9

    • WordsDoMatter
      December 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks for the 9

      Thanks, and I'm sorry I made you cry (though that was my intention). Cry or not, it was a sad situation (it happened just like I wrote it) - every word true. I have gotten over the hurt and the self-blame, but I still miss her (and it's been 15 years). - I hope you get back on track and find some joy in your life... it is out there, you will find it, the crying will end... hope will come - Kevin


  • Nicada silver member
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Though very sad, this tells such an important story. Unfortunately, no matter how good of a friend we are, we can never battle someone else's inner turmoils. Even if you were physically there with her during her struggles, it probably would not have stopped her from self destruction. Eating disorders are very complex, and they take intense work and therapy to overcome, if they can be overcome. Your poem shows the depth of your pain and anguish over this great loss in your life. I believe she knew you were there in the end, and that is what really counts. You two shared something beautiful, and as much as she touched your life, I feel that you touched hers just as much. A very heart breaking poem, and it is written so well. Blessings, Patty


  • Ginger Woods
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Usually I don't like rhyming poems at all but this one I couldn't stop reading.

    "My promise was broken. I'd shown up to late"

    A heartbreaking poem at the least, this poem made me want to cry, It's just so horrible what our own minds can do to us, and how we blame ourselves for what happens to others. I'm sorry you had to go through such pain.


    • WordsDoMatter
      December 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      It was a ong time ago... the blame is over, the memories remain... I appreciate your time. - Kevin


  • HeavensNewestAngel
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem in dedication of your friend. Best of luck in my contest!


  • Lexie
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh my, this poem, i can relate to it. i starved myself many times. i did it since i was in fith grade, each time, it goes longer, and i get smaller. last time i didnt really eat for 4 months. i lost so much weight, and i felt good, but mom was scared and she threw fits on me all the time. im not afraid to admit it, i am very self doubtful. i used to model and stuff but i stopped for fear they would drop me because of my weight and started over working and starving. i wanted to be smaller, but the more i lost, the more i became addicted to losing. i would pass out a lot. but dad didnt really worry. just mom. dad thought it was good i was losing weight, he didnt care how i was losing it, so i thought it was fine. mom worried, but really started worrying when i would get weak from small things, and would pass out just walking through the yard. yes, it is a serious problem, yes, i do think about it still today. yes, i would do it again, just my boyfriend supports me through it all and reassures me my body is beautiful. i still cant eat full meals without throwing up. i have to eat small amounts. if i drink a lot, then i cant eat at that sitting. i have learned, but that doesnt mean i wouldnt do it again. it feels great losing weight. it feels like you are becoming attractive. its hard to explain, it is just an amazing feeling you are never satisfied with, and you always want more. great poem! loved it!!!


  • writingismycure
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ABSOLUTLY AMAZING

    This, was VERY touching. I am very sorry you were dealt with this, I couldn't imagine. Your writing is beautiful, keep up the good work.

    "I saw in her things that no one else knew.
    She called me her friend, but it wasn’t true."
    - wonderful ending, very sad, but very well written.

    Thanks for your entry and Goodluck in the contest.

  • starving4perfection
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awwwwwwwww noooo :'( its really very sad. it made me cryy... your rhymings wonderful though! keep up your good workk!! and good luck in the contest!

    • WordsDoMatter
      November 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      worry to make you cry, unfortunately every word of this happened exactly this way... I did not have to be creative at all... it wrote itself. - Kevin (green newbie)


  • Justified Inc.
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    So vivid and sad.

    Your perspective in this write is truly touching and brings this reader to tears................So sad and so hard to understand. You did a good job in revealing your innermost turmoil in it all. I never thought about it like that, wonderful insights and emotions.
    Great write and tribute.
    The ending is so sad and brings a heaviness of heart through.
    God Bless,
    CP

    • WordsDoMatter
      November 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks,

      this was such a tragic story in my life, though a long time ago, it still is vivid. the story itself was easy to write, everything happened exactly the way I wrote it. I can only hope that someone somewhere will read it and it will make a difference. - Kevin

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