Struggling through each day
Tormented by the past
I just can't let go
I swear I try, for your sake, but this pain just won't let go of me
Broken as a child
Self-esteem shattered
Abused and abandoned
I'm screaming for help but I make sure that no one hears me
Slipping farther into addiction
I hate being so pathetic
So weak that I can't even succeed at killing myself
I know that I can't do it while I have you
I can't have my abusers raising you
I can't have you going through your life being ashamed of me
Or possibly feeling guilty
So, tonight I'll tuck you in
Kiss your sweet face
Make myself another drink
And pray to God to please just let me die
Please just help me out this one time
Author notes
"i hurt so bad inside i wish you could see the world through my eyes" jonathan davis of korn
Silver in translucent's contest allpoetry.com/Contest/630736
Written February 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Suicide Contest by translucent.
300 points, ended May 25, 2004, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is such a heart breaking write and sad think is I have felt this very same way and for my child I just survived for so long, than one day something inside of me came a live and now I am so happy I choose to surrvive because now I live! This is such a wonderful poem congrats on the trophy it was so well deserved!
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congratulations to you too on your silver, i had forgotten about this contest, until this morning, i lose track with things sometimes.
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wow, this one is very disturbibg, yet so true. Ive felt this way many times (atleast the begining). I despize those memories that never go away..You try to forget, yet the pain never fades away, it only stays bottled up inside..turing into bad habits. Ive tried sucide, and learned it was never the answer to solve my problems. I thought i had it bad, until Ive read other stories of peoples lives, and learen i had almost a perfect life. You are very good at writing from past experiences, but it must be hard for you to bring back all the painful memories. I wish i could help you carry your burden, yet i dont know how. IM sorry you have to go through this, i had to put up with similar things. Great write, keep up the good work, and remember, sucide is NEVER the answer and that dwelling on the past, blocks your future.
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Very well written. I can actually relate it to myself in a way that sometimes I wish it was just over, but then Life Goes On
Once again, Well Done -
I can remember as a child seeing things that my parents done and thinking why would they do that? I would promise myself that my kids would never see me do the same. After all that I watched them do, I think it only made me a more resolute person. I slipped back into my childhood as I read the lines and remembered several things you mentioned. I now ponder the reflections of the past..........
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Very very emotional. This is such a great example of great work! I get the feeling you write to dull the pain. As do I. and I think that just writing to dull the pain give you the best results. I loved it.. but not your pain
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deep, intense, excellent
i am left speechless.. this poem portrays a pain inside that you captured in writing perfectly. by the way, you got to my poem in about 30 seconds after its writing. and i'd agree, "hurt" is one of the best written songs ever. that kind of harnessed emotion from that song translates to this poem, and i loved every word of this poem.. good job -
this is a great poem. this sadness, pain and desperation in it makes me speechless. despite the torment in it the link of hope through the child makes the emotions behind it alittle more palatable, otherwise it would just be to sad. i especially love this line "I'm screaming for help but I make sure that no one hears me". good luck in the contest i think this deserves to win.
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Very deep emotional piece. I am sorry you are hurting. Keep writing.
TD -
Boy, you just sum up my whole night. I feel like these lines in your poem:
Broken as a child
Self-esteem shattered
Abused and abandoned
I am just so broken and shattered like this right now. anyway, good luck in the contest.
-Tainted Princess -
Wow, I don't know what to say. Thank You. I wouldn't think my words could touch anyone else like that. I have so many "what ifs" and I am trying so hard to overcome the past. I'm so glad that you were able to come out a stronger person. I think I'm like you, it made me more sensitive to the way I treat my son, because I still remember the pain so well. Thank you so very much for your comment.
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very strong write
Unfortunately, I understand this poem all to well. The emotional baggage that travels down through life with us from the emotions scars inflicted in the past. Your emotions and feeling are clearly presented here. While the bulk of the poem is sad and heartbreaking. You ended the piece with the hope of remaining. A sweet little one to protect from others. If, only many of us had someone to protect us??? I wonder sometimes, if a difference it would have made in my personal battles as an adult? On the flip side, I grew strong and I overcame the past. I hope those experiences made me a more compassionate human being. Very well written. Brought tears to my eyes. Our world is crippled by abuse of assorted varities. Thank you for sharing with me. God Bless You and Hang in There!
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full of feelings and power. Not to be read o
So many talented people led short, miserable lives. I have been alive for many ages, seen such misery yet I chose eons ago to be part of the solution. This I seen in your poem. One reason that we writers, artists, etc, are tempted to change the way we feel by chemical means, I believe, is that we take this mysterious thing called life and reduce it to a picture, poem, story...
If we let it, this process can infect us with the "soul sickness"
But there is no doubt to anyone who reads your work that your grasp of feelings and the ability to communicate them in the way you do is very powerful. I shall read more-I looking for the rainbow...poet-wyatt. -
It's true, but I think I'm getting stronger, of course the day just started. I thank you so much for your kind words, and for running this contest. When I saw the subject, I just had to write something, and just sat right here and got it out. Thank you.
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*winces* oo.
yikes. this is deffinately the most poisonous of all my entries... i don't know if this is a true story or not, but if it is....
i can relate to the frustration you feel with yourself and your own weaknesses. let me plead with you, however, that since as humans we define ourselves by our suffering and what we've chosen to do with it... don't live in ur past or dwell on your pain. but don't block it out either. rather use it to make you stronger. i know it's harder than anything else...but it sounds as if you have a lot to live for.
thanks for entering and good luck
~Iris~
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