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(~)
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~ What then could be, ~
if hate wanted nothing more ...
nothing more ... but the best
for-another ... and-itself?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Saw, the reality, and-
felt-the-evidence, was-
shown the light in view
of-the-division that-has-
~ risen;- taken-root-and-
sprouted-up ... growing-
~ from-the-cold center;- of ~
~ its heart of greed, the selfish,
~~ poisonous desire for everything, ~~
~ (more), moving-toward the hour of its ~
~ isolation, choking-out-all-that-is genuine,
advancing-onward within-this belief, and-yes
what-if-it-was-awakened;- for the first time, to
the-fallacies-of-its-own-faithless and complete-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ denial of its, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~
~ lack of trust, its ~
hopeless, condition;-
yes what if through
perfect kindness,
it-was provided
another way
~
~~~
~ ~~ ~
~ Was-shown- ~
~ the hard sting, ~
~ the- absent- hand- ~
~ of-its-ugliness, ~
~ its prejudice, ~
~ all-the- ~
~ tears-it- ~
~ caused- ~
~ that- ~
~ have-
~ fallen-
~ in- ~
~ despair. ~
~~~~~~
~~~~
~~
~~ Looked- ~~
~~ down-deep- ~
~~~~ within ~~~~
~~~ cried- ~~~
~~~~ ~~~~
~~~~
~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~ out-for-Jesus-itself, for-the-first -~~~~~~~~~
time no please;- ~~ no ... no more;- ~~ please Jesus, God-
make-it stop;- carrying-with-it ... and knowing-
for certain;- if-but-for-but-only- a-moment-
the-painful- ~~~~~~ result ~~~~~ of its flight
from this ~~~~~ truth;- ~~~~~ from its
listless, and-purely-
senseless, movement-
~~~~ of aggression, ~~~
sharing the-feeling also-
~~ felt;-by its devotion to ~
~ this, by ~~ ~ allowing ~
~~ itself-to-live exclusively,
~ in-this-fruitless indifference,
and-truly stubborn, and inconclusive;-
~~~ erroneous, ~~~ ~~~~ illusion! ~~~~
~~ And what if, it did long to ~~
know and moved, never to forget;-
the-humble-cry-from-the-hearts,
the-needs-of-the-many, hurting,
the innocent answered, living,
dying, fading away amid the-
battle, raging-war-on-them-
~ inside-its-eroding prison;
~ amid the echos of their ~
souls emptiness;- hoping,
praying-quietly-to-have-
the-righteous-comfort-
~ of-their-lost-lives- ~
~~ again ensured. ~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Screaming out why, ~
~~~ far-and-wide-high-and-
low-in-the-dark;- trembling;-
alone ... in the cold, searching-
~ franticly, for the truth ... lost;-
~ gone awry, totally amiss, being ~
the only obvious, driving question,
~pounding away ... relentlessly;- ~
~stripping-them-of-their-freedom
~ squandering-the-treasures of- ~
~~ their-stolen-security;- ~~
~ and fullness-of-spirit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ So what if love, joy,
and hope, honesty and
patience;- consideration,
~ generosity mercy and- ~
forgiveness, compassion-
~~ and unconditional- ~~
~~~~ understanding, ~~~~
~~~~ and the-beauty- ~~~
~~ revealed-in the-way ~~
~~ of their-faithfulness- ~
~~ to-the-very-principal ~
~~ of-remaining-open, ~~
~~ brought-bitter-hate- ~
~ to-its-knees;- to finally,
~ acknowledge-this;- and
in surrendering;- it was- ~
~ transformed-and made-
~ again through-this to-be
~~ accepting, and was ~~
~ willing, to work as well,
setting-them-free-living-
~ as-one-with-them, as it
strived for the perfection,
the protection;- of these
~~~~ greater things? ~~~~~
~ Oh-yes! What then? Could be? ~
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~
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~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~
~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~
~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
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~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~
~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
~~~ ~~~
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~~~
~~
(~)
Author notes
For the contest: Contest Get in Shape with Darkwell by Darkwell
"im getting in shape with Darkwell"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ This is a form of poetry called "Concrete" or form poetry or given another form name, it would be or have some of the characteristics as well of a form of poetry called, "Dirty Pretty: Where the words form a picture pertaining to the main theme or idea or themes of the poem itself, thereby giving it a more encompassing view or understanding for the reader. ~
~ There was a liberty bell representing freedom. A Key that represents the way to freedom. A man of hatred representing hate itself. An exclamation mark, representing the main idea of the poem itself, and a bird of peace carrying and an aeolian liberty in its beak! ~
~ In this poem, the man of hatred, placing himself above the needs of the world, and- an eternal peace and love, trying-to-know liberty, in turn, sadly through his fear and envy, his growing distrust of God and man blocks only himself and others from the key. Which has always been accepting through the example of Jesus Christ in love fully its-part. The honest and spiritless truth-of-its hand, the true Achilles heal of man, living in darkness through the rejection of God its bitter greed, and blind indifference of another's cry for freedom love and peace. ~
~ So may your genuine movements of the heart secure for yourself, and for another always, a perfect peace, leaving its joy with another and you, and may then your love for life, be as generous, allowing your spirit to fly in freedom in grace. As you grow in faith and trust, to know her well, soaring higher and higher moving in perfect harmony with her ... the world, God, forever inspired through this;- and living-eternally;- free ... ~
~ Thank you for reading ... bless you ... ~
~ The reason that there are Hyphens "so many of them") is because I have a computer that speaks them with a faster and slower and higher and lower pitch of voice, giving a certain kind of ebb-and-flow to the work with a softer more fervent and realistic and consistent tone, when I use the hyphens and other punctuation in the certain places that I do, when in telling it what to do. Allowing it to speak in even a moderate voice if I choose. It sounds very free flowing when I hear it, and I can only hope that you will be able to here it in the same way. Thank you for reading and God bless you ... ~
James ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the Contest:NO CLICHE ! YES PREWRITES !('ASH-ES') (everyone1)
I entered this poem in as many contests as it is in ... because of all of the above reasons ... I am sorry if it had a latter result of offending. As I have stated, it truly was never my intention.
A contest entry
- An Introduction by thinking Achilles by Seth L. Lombardy.
1195 points, ended December 11, 2008, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hatred by kel dog.
542 points, ended December 31, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter all your poems. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended February 20, 278 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get in Shape with Darkwell by Darkwell.
1700 points, ended January 31, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Word Of Love And Encouragement For Christopher by mysticstorm.
700 points, ended January 17, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the best... by Jfd.
1500 points, ended February 3, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Important Issues by pinksnowboots.
570 points, ended February 19, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teach me Dirty Pretty by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
832 points, ended May 16, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How did it make you feel? What could I have done differently?
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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its awesome when a shape poem looks so awesome, like breathtaking, but it doesnt need a shape to stand as a compelling poem, so many parts i could call out but this is my favorite section
~~~~ of aggression, ~~~
sharing the-feeling also-
~~ felt;-by its devotion to ~
~ this, by ~~ ~ allowing ~
~~ itself-to-live exclusively,
~ in-this-fruitless indifference,
and-truly stubborn, and inconclusive;-
~~~ erroneous, ~~~ ~~~~ illusion! ~~~~
there was jsut something about this part that gave me chills. brillient all around
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interesting format, I tend to believe the words should be able to stand alone and speak for themselves, if that makes sense? Regardless, this was worth the read, and thank you for entering!
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WOW1 What can I say...this is amazing in form and depth...excellent all around...
Thank you for entering!
Kim
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Its good- It was hard to read it though. I lost my place and the way it was worded with so many pauses and breaks it wasn't interesting and it was easy to lose my train of thought.
The ideas are there as is the wording and the ability to write. It was really difficult for me to really absorb it because I have a really low attention span which is my issue - and my problem- but I got distracted reading out. A lot of others really liked the way it was set up though- so I wouldn't change it nessecarily. Maybe see if you can take out some of the - and the breaks and connect it up though so its a little smoother.
I liked your message though! Thanks for entering!
WritingFree -
well i got kind of last in the middle but when i figured it out it turned out to be a very good read
--Janette -
this is a good write. love the way you set it out.
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First,your poem was genuine, well written, and well thought out. The liberty bell metaphor was rich and multi layered. Your passion gushes in this work. It has a air of early America. When patriots built this country on faith, trust and hard work. I hope you don't give up on this country now. I really liked that you ended your poem with an opened ended question. Thanks!
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Gods love be yours ...
Thank you for your kindness.
I'm tickled.
I am thrilled that you want this too.
What if it did all end. The hate, man-driven-hate.
What wonderful way would it be, what kind of place.
Man says that it isn't possible, but I believe God knows better.
What do you think-believe, feel
Wouldn't it all be for not, if we didn't try?
The shapes in the poem represent what we all have an opportunity of receiving.
God I want this.
"Let all mortal flesh keep silent".
"For he comes with blessing in His hand".
If I give my will freely to Him, Won't I truly be, free.
No world! Heavens eternity here today.
Thank you for your kind words, bless you-peace be yours to claim.
~ James ~
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much better with the explanation
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everyone has an opinion and I'm not going to hinder yours by commenting on the content of your poem. but I would say it was a little distracting how it was set up, I found the entire poem to be interesting but sometimes it was difficult to read and I would lose my place... maybe thats just me though =D
good luck in the contest! -
Wow
Amazing write. It was so moving, I could feel every emotion and in the end I left with a feeling of hope that things will be better. Its only a matter of what path we decide. -
I find it ironic that you took such time with creating the image of this poem, but did not develop much imagery within the poem itself, and so, it is a picture that tells, rather than shows. The imagery you do have is in the abstract realm, such as your initial quandary, about hate wanting the best for itself and others. Hate is a concept that will be something else to everyone. That works to your advantage in this piece. Your wordng is clever. It is a little heavy with present participles for my taste. The action verb is almost always stronger.
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gOOD
It was neat how you made it into the shape of a airplane. Candy
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this is really deep. took a bit of concentration to read b/c of the arrangement, but other than that it was good! gl in the contest
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Thank you for your profoundly written entry, Josie
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Thank you for entering this clever write. It is an amazing write in concrete/visual form, and certainly one that must have required a good length of time and a lot of patience to achieve the final outcome.
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well it's not really about getting hurt, but in a way i guess it kinda is. I love the way you wrote the poem, but I dislike that I didn't get it untill you explained it and that it was soooo long.. .
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I love the way you take words and form them into pictures. Here you use ART for visual signification, while supplying the words to fill the void.
This is lovely, so lovely, my dear and heartfelt friend...
I thank you for your comfort. I thank you for your support. I thank God for your talent, which can heal me as well as mold me into what I need to be.
Much love,
Debbie
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VIsually interesting.
Let me take some more time to read it -
I thought the design was really good though it made it a bit difficult to read. The language you used was really powerful and elaborate. The message was a little hard to get because it was a bit to complicated but the message was a good one and it was still a good poem. Nice write!
Thanks for entering!
Writingfree -
I'm not quite sure what to write about this poem. I personally think it was kind of hard to follow with the design and I'm not really sure what the message was but it looks like it must have taken wuite a while to come up with and put into the design that it is. Good job and thanks for entering my contest!
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Wow that's really amazing.
And I loved the way you used grammatics in it.
Wonderful Job! <3
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Be good to yourself
Thanks for your entry James. I left notes on the contest board.
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Wow! This is so clever, once again! I love how you have created a picture, it really adds to the whole feeling of the poem.
Really powerful stuff too, you write with such feeling. This was a delight to read. Well done
peace x
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Amazing! What magic one can achieve , with words, with thoughts...
Loved the lines
and the-beauty-
revealed-in the-way
of their-faithfulness-
to-the-very-principal
~ of-remaining-open, ~
~ brought-bitter-hate- ~
~to-its-knees;- "
Thanks for the entry, Good Luck!
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What an opus, and every word just wonderful. You have taken life and made a diagram for us.
"~~ and-purely-senseless, ~~
movement-of aggression,
~ sharing the-feeling also-
felt;- by its devotion to this,
by allowing itself-to-live exclusively,
~~ in-this-fruitless indifference, and- ~~
~~~~~ truly stubborn ... inconclusive, ~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~ erroneous illusion! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"
I am not sure why but this bit really made me stop, ponder and reread. I enjoy your work so much. Good job, Poet.
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Stunning!
Very deep piece indeed!!
~ What Then Could Be ~? my answer is only time is the key...and that what makes all things in life exiting..if we know the answer than won't be no charm being in life and looking forward to each day..
Thanks for sharing..hope to read more of your wonderful touching words
Amarige
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Ohh god am really speechless;
I normally talk my heart out when I comment but after reading this intense piece, you brought me to tears... happy ones though =)
... Speechless!!!!
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I think I have read and commented on this before...but oh well. If hate was destroyed and all the things that go with it...ah yes, what things could be. Nice write and thank you for entering
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I definitely got the question,:what then could it be?" very deep and insightful...the flow was superb . I enjoyed this very much!
becca
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This is beautiful. It flows well and brings you along emotionally. Very inspiring Thank you!
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i think i was a bit confused til i got into the pace of the poem but i did enjoy it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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A very deep meaning of life is hidden in this question..." what then it could be"?
Thougthfully penned and great write.
Love
Bin Etoile
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AHH
Oh the inward man doth struggle with the "meat"
man! If it could only be as you have penned! A lovely what-if.
Wonderful personification in this piece! I think that a well placed hyphen on occassion does a lot for affect. Sees like too many is a bit of a distraction upon first reading. Just an observation.
Very powerful and slightly disturbing in content simply because no one likes to see the pureness of vitrolic hatred nor what it produces,
I loved it!!!!! Keep up the good work!
Best regards
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I think this is thoughtfully penned, with a theme that is to die for lol
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yes i do not know why you thought this would be offensive?
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AH so good!
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what you have described here is a beautiful
gift that surpasses all limitations, and raising high,
high above all circumstance
to grasp one of the gifts that is price-less indeed...
"hope"
ears/Seattle
well done poet!
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What then?
A great question to ponder. A lot of passion expressed here. Good one, James.
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Very Powerful
Words cannot suffice
no comment can do justice
the thoughts dripping from top to bottom
reveals the true character of a human being
the way God intended it to be
to this all I can say
is thank you for reminding us
thank you for showing us the way
..the way to living our life as God intended us to live...
No surprise - this is one of your yet another masterpiece that sure deserves to be read, read, then read again & then again... beautiful message that needs to be heard and spoken all over the globe...
Good luck in the contests, though with such a beautiful heart you know you are already a winner in golden book... thanks for sharing the beauty... take care Minoo
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Oh My~
This is one Powerful piece You have penned with a message that tugs hard at Spirit~
These lines grabbed- and left a mark on the Heart
~ Did-long-to-know-
the-humble-cry-from-the-hearts,
the-needs-of-the-hurting,
the innocent answered,
living, dying, fading away
amid the battle, raging-war-on-them
inside-this-eroding prison;
amid the echos of their emptiness. ~
Excellent!!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Voice~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes in the contest too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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beautiful and thought provoking write James,
wonderful job! The only way that this could be offensive is if someone felt that your write was better than theirs...competition wise
Blessings,
Sassy
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This is a great poem.
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very well written James. Good luck in the contest.
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This is very interesting and wonderfully written poem! I love the way that you put it all together here. Thanks a lot for sending this one my way and I hope that you do well with it in this contest.
Good luck to you and keep it up my friend! Take care and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Jeremy0826 -
Looking at cause and effect ...
without being a Believer, may result in a feeling of alienation ... But through His Eyes all makes complete sense and we are free to live productive lives, as if every day is our first and also our last.
Thank you for writing the Blueprint as gift to the world.
Love
Myra
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The piece was magnificent. Loved the way you wrote it. Very powerful. It does not feel like something you were thinking "at the time" though. It is a magnificent Idea, not a slow thought coming straight from your head. I think this is a great write though
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Wonderful Write!!
A very thought provoking poem on hatred. A terrible emotion all too many seem to thrive on. I think most people that chose to hate are very sad inside themselves. As a Christian we are taught to love everyone. Your words are profound and full of truth. I don't see anything offensive at all. I thought it rather inspiring myself. Thank you for sharing. Take care. Bless You James.
Peace And Grace,
Sandy
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James,
Your piece was truely touching and inspiring! It has innumerable segments that is true in so many intensities and on so many levels. My one question is to who this apologies of offence is addressed.
All the best in the contest!
Becks
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wow James
I love this, every line is what we should really think about and be aware of.
then my friend
What then? Could be?
Fantastic and inspirational
always a true pleasure
God bless you...
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I enjoyed this abstract piece that leaves the reader with the questions that we all have had at one time or another. The introspective intonation that you have penned leads the reader deeper into his/her own experiences so I think this poem can have different meanings to different people.
Love,
Amera♥
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Interesting...and I do not mean that in my usual way.
It causes one to stop and think. I am truly thinking of ways this could offend; I will have to get back to you on that one.
Form-wise this looks good and adds to the reading; however, your use of punctuation makes no sense to my grammatical sensibilities. Personally, it detracts from the reading. On the other hand, others may find it easy to read.
Overall, a good poem with embellishments.
Thank you for sharing.
rous -
This is a wonderful poem James and I fail to see how anyone could be offened with such words. Good luck in the contests dear and thanks for sharing with me.
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In your authors notes... you say you didn't mean to offend? I don't see how this could ever be misconstrued as offensive! I love it. I like the picture with it as your words seem to drift almost just like the kite. It was beautifully penned! Bravo! THank you so much for sharing this with me!
Peace and Love
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an open ended question left to the reader to ponder and come up with his or her own answers. great question and nice job.
fine imagination in this work.
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