HELL of a time

Now its not really as lively as all this
is heaven a waiting game anyway?
i mean when we get there
do we wait for something else to happen
or do we exist more as a spirit in disguise
of something more that is
so as my breathing speeds up
and the world spins behind my eyes
i can't make sense of this panic
why must i be afraid of someone
who says he loves me?

but then this may have something to do
with what i drank not so long ago
or the pills that went down as well
booze and drugs, drink and pills
it's all the same every day
and then you wake in a sleazy hotel room
with you clothes all on the floor
and wondering who that passed out god is
lying next to you on the bed
but you realize your still high and you split
forgetting you left your bag behind
because you don't even know it's there

And the scars on your wrists
demoralize who you think you are
proving that you are not an innocent angelic teen
but we won't let the priest know that
as you bow once again
in that antique confessional
and the shadow behind the screen
becomes a demon
with glowing red eyes condemning you to hell
a fit of giggles overthrows you
and distraught you flee blessed grounds

Sleeping and fucking in the grave yard
bodies rolling on fresh buried graves
but as you roll into the an empty pit
and cries of pleasure make screams of fear
your head is struck by a slab of marble
a centuries old grave stone
taking its revenge on those
who would desecrate this ground

And as eyes flutter to stay open
something else is in their too
grabbing your wrists
tearing at your flesh
ignoring your screams
and giving no rest
this is not hell but something worse
but to suffer again all your fears
all your personal demons

And as people you do not recognise
attempt to resusitate your lifeless form
i realsise that this is no dream
and i have not slipped into to sleep
i have slipped over the edge of the abyss
and i scream into life itself

And thats when i work out
..That heavan is either out of range or out of reach.