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I Hate Winter

There's a scissor in my hand ,
and a promise in my pocket.
I'm going to cut out some snowflakes
I'm going to make beautiful snowflakes out of these lies.
There's a scissor in my hand,
and a tremble in my voice.
It was a mistake to make snowflakes,
I hate winter.
There's a knife in my hand,
and regret in my mind.
I'm going to carve out my mistakes,
and never admit to them.
There's nothing in my hand,
and nothing in my heart.
I'm going to sit here and do nothing.
I'm going to watch you become,
who i've always wanted to be.
There's a flower in your hand,
and a smile on your face.
You want to share this with me,
but my mind is still full of nothing.
I can't hold happiness or I will drop it,
and it will shatter.
Everything i touch breaks,
for i feel broken.
Everything i hold is destructive,
because i don't feel safe.
I'd rather live with nothing,
than with something I don't want.
I'm selfish. I'm sorry.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • DecorusApparatus
    January 5

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    I can really really identify with this poem. You have a very confident, clear cut writing style that you maintained right throughout this poem and I certainly commend you for that. Your language is nice because it's easy to comprehend and nothing is said unneccesarily.
    "There's a scissor in my hand ,
    and a promise in my pocket.
    I'm going to cut out some snowflakes
    I'm going to make beautiful snowflakes out of these lies."
    You really had me at those first few lines.
    Thakyou very much for entering this into my contest!


  • Azgar
    November 30, 2008
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  • Commodore Rouge
    November 29, 2008

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    I really like your writing style. It's very real and it puts a different angle on emotion and imagery. One of my absolute favorite things about this poem is the use of metaphor! Seriously, it adds such depth to what you're writing about, and the transitions you make with the metaphors you used are impressive.
    "There's a scissor in my hand ,
    and a promise in my pocket.
    I'm going to cut out some snowflakes
    I'm going to make beautiful snowflakes out of these lies."
    Those are my favorite lines. They serve as great attention-getter lines, and they help start this piece off strong. Well done, and thanks for entering my contest!


    • BrittlesSkittles
      November 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for your insightful comment =]

      i love when people write about the specific techniques and lines that they especially like about my poems!

      MUCH APPRECIATION
      <3 Brittany

  • burfitt
    November 24, 2008
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    amazingg


  • storiesuntold gold member
    November 24, 2008

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    Hey now this doesnt sound like fun

    I hear a young person that if she were mine we would be out there enjoying life and laughing until we wet out pants having such a good time .Honey there are times through our life that our minds go through different phases .Oh I remember when I was young and so hard headed I felt it would be my way for there couldnt be any other way than mine .I fell for some of the love and gained and lost friends but I never did the drugs and in not doing them I found my way through those heat aches and times that I questioned life . Today I have seen so many young people locking themselves inside their rooms and listening to music that talks of hate and cutting and death and trust me if you listen to lyrics like that too much your mind can think of nothing else . Tell me why do you feel so crushed inside and having the feeling you can never heal .What could be so bad that the rest of us in this world hasnt experienced and we are still here and believe me as you get older you will find that what we thought was so unforgiving when we were young was truly just part of growing up .Honey
    every new tomorrow will be better than the last if only you would let it be . Tell me when was the last time you smiled and told yourself I dont care what my friends are doing today Im going to have a great day . Today I am going to not listen to that music and truly hear the life around me and answer those who talk to me and smile for honestly honey
    to smile is the very best feeling in the world . I want you to message me and lets talk and you tell me these things that are bringing you down and one by one we will take those feelings away and help you see that person inside of you the one you refuse to see or let out to play is still there and she wonders why her best friend refuses to play anymore .Heck Im 55 and I still play I do crazy things like ride my nephews hot wheels to the city park .I had a blast and I didnt give a hoot who laughed or talked about me .I was having fun and you know when I looked back behind me my sister came rolling up and we laughed till we cried . Life should be fun and not weighed down by any boys that pu;;es you down . So come on now talk to me and before you go to bed I guarentee you will feel much better .Come on now Im right here its about time you had a really good time

1 - 8 of 8