The sun and moon
and earth revolves
surrounded by night and day,
the pink and yellow angelic
feathers and the black and blue winged
and horned ungodly maiden to which I give my heart.
In garden of the third eye nessled between the roses and wheat
Lays the univeral cause.
A contest entry
- real and magical by TOEchikira.
400 points, ended December 7, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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nice poem bro, but i would suggest you move "and wheat" up to the second to last line to leave the imact with "lays the universal cause" maybe even change lies? it implies an untruth unless this is what you intend - i.e that Lies are a universal cause, to which all you have written before owes something to as an ending....
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wow awesome imagery. i love the descriptions in this. amazing. good luck!!
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