Yes…I whispered
Yes.
From that day on
You were my lover
My protector,
My angel
LO
VE
Swirled around my body
Ran through my veins, Keeping my heart steady
My mind was in bliss, as your heavenly kiss soothed my tender lips
You spread your wings, Keeping me alive, teaching me how to survive
Lending me a hand when I was in need, you were always there
Looking after me, my love, my friend,
You were my angel
My hearts joy
So why has the day come,
For me to let go forever, why
Why must your love be unfulfilling to me
Why do I sit here, thinking about you and me,
Falling apart, never again shall we meet…
Now I make that call, it rings, again and again
I wait for your calm voice to answer
You say hello baby, how was your day
I say, I’m sorry my love, today is that moment
The moment for me to let go of your soft hands
The moment where I make you cry forever
Cry for eternity, Now you sit there, so lonely
In your little room in heaven, white and blank
Looking down at me, sitting on a ladder,wings down
Waiting … Breaking
Author notes
Yes, the writing is supposed to look like an angel if you were wondering.=]
http://violator3.deviantart.com/art/The-great-below-56525474
- Those That Write From Experience group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Expressing Emotion and Embracing that Which our Eyes Behold! by seclusion.
1300 points, ended December 19, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories by x0charlie-redhead0x.
1000 points, ended October 16, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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beautiful. so expressive
thanks for entering
charlie -
wow- I really did like this poem. I cna connect and I really tuly loves the wordings and the flow. It was incredibly well written nad was very good to read.
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Thank you so much=]
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I like this poem! I thought the angel form was cute
I did find a few typos, though:
"You spread you wings, Keeping me alive, teaching me how to survive" -- 'You' should be 'your'
"Why must your love me unfulfilling to me" -- I think you meant 'be'.
Other than that, it was pretty good. The part where she calls him, I wasn't too fond of. It seemed a bit... casual, I suppose. In an otherwise serious poem, it just didn't quite fit. However, the ending was nice, I especially liked the last two words and how they were separated for effect. Overall, good job, and good luck in the contest
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Thank you so much=] Also, thanks for putting out the typos, i fixed them=] I can see how the call is a bit casual and the reason why i didn't make that part more serious is because I wanted the reader to really connect to this poem. It makes it more realistic, thanks again for your wonderful comment and good constructive criticism! =]
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Outstanding
I loved how you used an extended metaphor of an angel to describe your love. It was great that the poem was also in the shape of an angel- something not easy to achieve. This is a moving poem that talks about splitting up and pictures all the heartache. Fantastic to read.
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Thankss!!!
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WoW!
I loved this! like you have no idea how much I liked this! On line 12 I think you meant to say "your" not "you".
again great write!
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Thank you! and thanks for pointing out the typo=]
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Excellent!!!
Very well done!!! I like the form of the angel too.
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Thanks=]
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