The scene has long finished
the crowds have dispersed,
overwhelming catharsis floods
from the eyes of all who payed to
see her die.
Time's hands swing by
still she sits,
crashing silence
as she hangs her exhausted head.
Dreaming she can fly to distant stars,
avoid the glistening bombs that fall at her feet.
Bourgeois ideals make her heart pump anger:
the wall from which we look seems to show desire.
She sits at the top of the ladder,
yet her eyes stick to the battered ground.
Author notes
It doesn't matter that she is there:
simple vision cleanses not the soul.
The question you have to ask is
'why is she there?'
picture credit - http://violator3.deviantart.com/art/The-great-below-56525474
A contest entry
- Expressing Emotion and Embracing that Which our Eyes Behold! by seclusion.
1300 points, ended December 19, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I think this is a good poem. I really like the image you created. I think you chose a unique take on the picture, which I really admire. The subject matter here is very deep, and I really like what you have created. I think I found only one small problem:
"Time's hands swung by
still she sits," -- I think you would want to use 'swing' here? Everything else after this is in present tense. But I suppose it's how you look at it. Rereading it, I see it does make sense in the context.
Your ending is also very powerful. It shows that even though she is on top, her heart is really on the bottom. Good job, and good luck in the contest!
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Thanks for the praise & kind words
And yea, that was supposed to be 'swing', but it was so much of a grammatical error as a typo lol (u & i are adjacent) thanks for correcting though!
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a lot of tension here
it is a very emotional poem you write with "overwhelming catharsis " in every line. You have replied well to the image and given us what it is all about.
There is a tone of expectancy...what is it exactly that she sees in the "battered ground?" I feel there is something she sees there in her dream.
You tricked me with 'payed.' I thought you had a spelling error, but no, it is an old 'paid' which gives age to the poem as 'time's hands' swing by.
Very descriptive and full of imagery. I like the title. I think you have done excellent.
You ask for ideas for revision, but I can hardly find any worth mentioning. If it was me, I would delete 'the' in the second line. Not much help am I?
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Thank you for the kind comment, when i wrote the poem i wasn't actually sure if it would turn out too well: i had a good idea in my mind but i had to rush it before i went to bed
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