ask me
if i regret your fist
the way roads course from
the creases
of your veins;
your arms fold like curtains
and i want
enclosure
yet you've failed to burn the fence
its distance
that appears red and blotchy
on my neck
marking me like a world map
where you and i
are simple freckles
but i wrapped my body
like a scarf
to hide it from the sun
so you could fade
and i could kiss winter
instead
of a blurry tongue
that spoke nothing
but slang
thinking i would envy your words
how they come one
after another
like ants from your mouth
but i just hated how
you had the forest
in the same old lines
and
how they used to guide us on drunken nights
when moonlight
would hardly suffice
to the creek
where bare flesh met humidity
and water
cleansed
Author notes
take your mother's advice
A contest entry
- Very Important Poets-->INVITE only by sailor ptolema.
4300 points, ended December 5, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
come on man get off it
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
.
-
the creases
of your veins;
your arms fold like curtains
and i want
enclosure
- anything with veins (even better with creases) I'm partial to
- fold like curtains -
- enclosure - so cool because most people just want closure. I thought that was neat anyway
- 2nd stanza is just mind blowing in it's goodness...great extended metaphor
- blurry tongue - nice. even rhymes with furry tongue
-
-
If we took mother's advice all the time we probably would have lived such a dull life and this is far from dull. In it's metaphor and its story it is a genuine slice of 'i told you so but you didn't listen'
C
-
complete astonishment.
thats all i have to say..
♥
-
mmmmm this is beautiful. especially
and i could kiss winter
instead
of a blurry tongue
that spoke nothing
but slang
thinking i would envy your words
how they come one
after another
like ants from your mouth
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
