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slowly losing control

i feel my self control slipping
            Slowly...
trying to stay away
is almost impossible now
          Slowly i lose control...
i feel want and need
burning inside of me
scorching my flesh
            Slowly...
how long can i take this
slow torture before i snap?
giving into desires and urges
            Slowly...
just to ruien everything

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Comments


  • nOva-
    December 2, 2008

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    oOoh. .neat me likes the repitition of "slowly..." helps set the mood/tone of the poem. I really like this one, you've got a way of just telling it like it is w/ what you write getting it all out. And this is deliciously expressive too Woohoo!

    A few things for thought: ruin, not ruien. Fix that typo!

    "trying to stay away
    is taking its toll"

    those lines just sound funny. . .i dont know, i get what you mean, i just thing you could re-word it

    ~nOva <3