Just the mere sight of bugs makes me cry -if they enter my home they will surely die
so if their smart they'll stay out of my kitchen -or i will spray them with raid and watch them twisting and a twitching -to avoid such an unpleasant experience may i suggest -and this goes out to every disgusting rodent insect bug and pest -make like a tree and stay out of my domain -or you will suffer excruciatingly immense pain- -why invade my privacy when i don't bother you- have you nothing planned -
absolutely nothing to do -now listen up and listen up good because i am not repeating -enter at own rick and if i catch you i will start deleting -for i am the queen of this castle and don't you forget it -if i see you even pass my door or window you will surely regret it - get it ? got it ? good ! now shew go away !
A contest entry
- Cheer Me Up In Rhyme by piccola.
700 points, ended November 24, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
I really like this - although I think that if you broke it up into stanzas it would have a more smooth rhythm
also, watch out for errors like where you have "their" instead of "they're" - these kind of errors make it harder for the reader to comphrehend and interrupt the flow - but other than that this is an interesting poem and it gave me a giggle! I wish you the best and I hope that you enjoy your time here at AllPoetry!
Keep writing
Polly
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This is funny but one suggestion if I might is to divide the lines in some way so that the rhyme is stronger.
Just the mere sight of bugs makes me cry -i
f they enter my home they will surely die
so if their smart they'll stay out of my kitchen
i will spray them with raid and watch them twitching
just an idea.
thank you for entering
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