Mice crawling in the walls
I wait where eight legs skritted
sad memories in the dust
spidersilk and dead skin
Burnished brass bearing down on silent piano
As that muted note above me plays
staccato tune
Rain on the old tin roof
memories crawling under the floor
Half cut oranges and a two strawed sweating cup of
blackberry lemonade
We slept while butterflies made merry above our noses
Eskimo kisses in the July morning cold
Listen
Creaking stair
Tiny paws
Tap tap tap
Rain
Here in our cabin a stone's throw from the sea
But there are no stones left
I put them all on your grave
Author notes
option 1 (Fly Away My Love by insashi @ flickr)
Hope you find this rewarding for the trouble you went through to do all your contests.
Blessings,
C
A contest entry
- #27 OPTIONS CONTEST (: by Walk-Free.
900 points, ended December 1, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrites only contest by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 5, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want to feel your pain by Reanna Eryn.
430 points, ended March 24, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GOLDEN DARKNESS by Perennial Plague.
400 points, ended November 17, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Respect is asked for, given and understood... :)
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Interesting poem.
-
this was a wonderful poem it was sad to but happy i cant exspain my feelings because i dont know how to figure them out great job on the tropys and i hope to read more of your poems soon
-
not as haunting as it seemed...
what captured me most is the "real time" feel of this piece - the tap tap tap...ramshackled on a seam exposed for stone stacking measures. when buried treasures are unearthed, a sun away waits to warm them.
-
Love that opening!
Actually, I love everything up to the 'Listen' stanza, for me that is just a bit out of place with the rest of the piece.
You have some great imagery within this and I am truly shocked that it hasn't gottenmore reads!!
-
-
A very astute comment. I'm glad I could provide you with some rewarding material. The "Listen" stanza was meant to break the subtle abstraction of the concrete reminiscing without modeling the elongated lines, making instead a blunt, fresh sense assaulting "cold water on the face" kind of effect to bring the daydreaming narrator back to reality.
I'm so glad you mentioned it. I would never have thought about that choice if you hadn't mentioned it. Thank you so much!
Blessings,
C
-
-
it makes me shiver thinking of spiders and such. It is pouring down rain here and I'm shivering anyway. thank you for the entry
-
wow. i loved this. really good
"As that muted note around me falls" beautiful line, in my opinion.
it seems you took the despair in the picture and penned down this amazing poem.
please credit the picture, though.
nicely done, thanks
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
