His words were soft caramel;
Diffused into the air,
They warmed her skin.
Bristling, as they pulsed across her
Charged with the electricity of the room,
She parted her lips,
Breathing in cautiously;
She tasted his ideas
And found them sumptuously spiced.
Her heartbeat reverberated through the small pub,
Drumming visibly at her wrists,
An echo of life, working rhythmically,
Twisting seamlessly, into his words.
She closed her eyes
A pleasurable guilt rising in her like mercury;
She already knew
She could never have him,
But intellectual intimacy seemed to know no bounds.
Now she dreams of poets, and
The smell of peaches, and hot cinnamon intimations.
Each morning, she wakes
With the taste of his words
Sickly sweet on her tongue,
The sinfully lush after taste
Of a night of cerebral overindulgence.
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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how can i sleep if you keep setting my brain on fire?
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Wow beautiful. The rich descriptions in this are delicious. I read it over and over again just so I could savor it. Thank you for sharing!
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Another stunning display of your wonderful word play and imagery x I agree with the others that "sumptuosly" should remain in the poem. Thanks for pointing me this way to read hun.
Take care
Del
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This is very cool...
no doubt this is cleverly erotic..
and really done well.....
hell lass....it was just plain hot.
The way it was done ...the perspective and wording were all done in grand fashion....
Even the title is sensual on such a high level...
The descriptions of smell ..words ...taste.....
Just a tapestry of wild decadence and beauty...
Love it !
Much luv gypsy,
Lowell
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Haha! I'm glad you liked it; it was so much fun to write!
Always,
V
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I wouldn't say "erotic," per se. It's more of the overwhelmed feeling one has in the face of decadence. Anything that's toooo goood seems sinful.
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I would consider it sensual and erotic. Not in a raunchy or bad way, though. Intellectualgasm is not only a fun word, but a good word to describe the overall feeling of the poem. I'm not sure about "cerebral overindulgence," as it kind of clashes with the sensuality of the rest of the poem. A slightly less harsh-sounding synonym, perhaps?
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wow, the metaphor here shows erotic to ME.. but disquised in a senual untone, unless my mind is just naughty. although, i do perfer mind rape such as this. rather then the norm as of late. perhaps thats why im on this site. Bravo. loving it.
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Your on the right track.
It is borderline erotic, but its all mental, if that makes sense! That's why I didn't put it into an Adult or Erotic catergory, because nothing physical really happens; its all in the tone. I'm glad you caught that, and I'm glad you liked it!
Always,
V
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Wow. . sensual. Strange theme, and well written. It flows and allows the reader to drown in it- in a good way .The only general criticism that comes to mind is that you could use a couple less adverbs, though they're not at all damaging here. Say only what you really need to and be suggestive lol. Have you read anything by tara wilson?- Amazing stuff.
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Really cool. "Rising like mercury" is an awesome line, it keeps with the theme and your imagery is very well done! I guess if I had to give you any criticism is that personally speaking, I don't like the word sumptuous, makes me think more of dinner than girls
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Haha! I like the mini conversation that my word choice has brought on! I've reviewed all sides, and decide to keep the word "sumptuously" for now. Its the only word I can recall that seems both sensual, and substantial, which is the point I am trying to make!
Thanks guys!
Always,
V -
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LOL. I wouldn't have thought that until now, but yes- I'm inclined to agree. "sumptous" does make me think more of food, but I wouldn't actually change that (though such opinions of mine aren't always best acknowledged, being a proud fat girl). It works for substance. Other than that. .
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ahh darn, now i see it too, agree on sumptously... but you are using it along with spiced..
but i wouldnt change that, cuz i think thats what your are going for, with words like, taste and carmel. i still see her getting some at the end anyhow.
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Sumptuously-- a grand word.
I wouldn't change it, or erase it for the world, regardless of the fact that I'm a fat person lol. It is such textures that work in making poetry so delectable
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