Entreaty

Fingers trail slowly, cautiously
along the edges of this facade.

Paint worn and thinned,
rust setting in.

Hinges creak mockingly as the door
opens itself, lets me in.

A pause.
Breath catches then resumes,

Steadily, shallowly,
stubbornly.

Tentative steps taken forward and in,
moving closer towards the center.

The start of it all.
How much I've forgotten

And still,
it's almost too much to bear.

There you are,
still and unmoving.

Frozen in that moment in time
I so successfully ignored, for awhile.

Steps falter. Slow.
Breath hitching once, twice...

Impossible to stem the tide,
rising swiftly, threatening to overflow

And unleash years of buried regret
and shame.

I left you.
Bound you up with heartache

And sealed you away with steely hope,
that by locking you away

I could forget.
But I didn't.

Years later,
I'm back where I started.

Praying for the strength to finish what I started
and face you once more.

So hard...
like looking in a mirror.

But so much worse
when that reflection has a will and mind of its own,

Silently condemning and judging
for past mistakes you can't take back.

I could argue I was scared,
that the pain was too much to bear

But it would be useless.
For who could know more than you

Just how painful and scary it was...
when you  are  me.

Still.
Forgive me.