and when you held me, I could feel the cold
bite of your fingers; frost dug serrated teeth
into veins that love had turned to softbellied
eels darting in the liquid ice of your exquisite
.
.
.
contempt
Author notes
prompt:
dead visions in your name
dead fingers in my veins"
- Slipknot [Dead Memories]
A contest entry
- Prompt Inspired - Under 50 Words by Exodus.
700 points, ended November 26, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Exquisite contempt...
A phrase to turn over in my mind awhile...
How are you so brilliant?
It's not fair.
Congrats on the bronze.
:]
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Great take on the prompt! I love the metaphor! Congrats on the Bronze
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Amazing imagery and metaphor as always...and the closing hits hard...fabulous and an inspiration to read...
nicely done.
Congrat's on the trophy.
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Fabulous!
You are such an amazing adition to AP.
You are going to soar here.
Delila
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There is only one thing here that I think could be improved, though it may be that I'm too close to the prompt. I think (given reading your talent in the rest of the piece) that you could have used a better word than "fingers" in the second line.
Other than that; stunning.
Thank you -
Fan - bloody - tastic! (Aussie talk!). You're good my friend... Bravo!
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Oh wow what a deep and vivid write this is. Amazing metaphor and imagery in this. And that final word has plenty of punch!
All the best with this.
Gaylene
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