bits of leaves float by
a tanker's crew takes one last swig
of morning coffee
hopping up and down
to shake off this stiffness in
my groggy kneecaps
pounding miles while
still retaining memories
of making love in
the newly sprung dawn
that chooses to take its time
waking up the sun
as sweat mixes with
my final anxiety I start
to mix tears with mist
evaporating
you off my tingling shoulders
raw with forgetting
A contest entry
- morning songs by Nicolette.
1400 points, ended December 6, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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a bit ragged in places with tenses, but there are some really wonderful images in this piece...as well as some very poignant thoughts and emotions expressed
thank you for this nautical entry
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My favourite part of this poem was definately the closing stanza - or from "I start to mix....".
This made me think of ... "goodbye is the saddest song... it is indeed, especially when one has to watch the lover sail off into the dawn. A very nice "story poem" here and a nice mix of imagery and emotion. Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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this is a very smooth little playlet of a poem.
good spacing of the words and ideas.
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