sleep
never felt
so wonderful,
my forehead
nestled into
the nook of your
neck.
we swayed
beneath florescent lights,
moving with the tracks.
my dreams
were of broadway
musicals
and sex.
i imagined
pick-pocketers staring
but resisting us
because of the
skyline
we created.
i woke up
without a dime.
Author notes
critques.
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- shuttled into oblivion by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended December 2, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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The only critique I have is the short lines - now you know me, I usually love the short lines but with this piece I think combining some would set the mood better.
I hope this makes sense. Otherwise the piece is really wonderfully written.
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wonderful ending! i really loved the dream part as well, it was interesting and i felt every word
ack i really do not know how to comment too good but just know i honestly enjoyed reading this <3
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thanks for reading! im glad you enjoyed it!!
peace to all ~flight
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wow.
you used some of my favorite words and images all in one poem.
this is really pleasant.
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well thanks dear
peace to all ~flight
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I loved it honey but the only thing that stuck out to me is that you titled it with "Chicago" & made a comment about "broadway."
Maybe it's part of your "going nowhere," but I just noticed that. (:
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dreams are dreams, i didn't intend there
to be a link from chicago to the broadway thing.
but it is a good point. i'm glad you like it!!
peace to all ~flight
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