~
She’s doing well as number four
in the household. One combs my
three favorite blue hairs beneath
the clinic stocking cap.
I give thanks five at
their shared mountain home again
where two prior I had finessed
the porch into an “observation deck” –
a view to die for. Six before,
flowers were sent to a sister -
forgot how many.
She was doing well
too.
I’ll want a thoughtful bouquet.
I won’t.
~
A contest entry
- A Moment Like This by Rowan.
800 points, ended December 17, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I have to admit I was a bit confused till I read your explanation. lol.
I wonder if using names would be more effective, though then the title might not work. hmmm.
Such a sad glimpse but also filled with tenderness.
Thanks so much for entering hon.
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I want to understand this better but I'm having some problems with the numbers as names. I wonder if it wouldn't be more effective (this is just a suggestion) if you just used real names. Allowing for the reader to have some human association which might provide more "feeling" and also impact at the number of names being used. I think i might provide stronger effect. I don't know, I didn't scroll down for explanations because I don't want to be influenced - I want to feel something on my own.
Good luck in the contest.
Lisa
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I am glad I read the explanation.
With it, my tears fall knowing the loss from cancer.
There is much tenderness in your words. Very thoughtful. ~Pamela
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Thank you Pam. Sometimes I feel I'm put in places where God wants me to help out.
Paul
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Ok...
I'll admit..I am shallow and do not understand a single thing here I am assuming from other comments this is for a contest with a secret code??? Am I correct??? At any rate it seems like you had fun with it and the contest!!!! Thanks for sharing and if you get a second explain it to me!!!!..
~~~Toni~~~
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LOL Okay Toni scroll down this page and you'll see the explanation as I told it to krizaa.
Thank you for your comments. hehe
Paul -
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Wow Paul...this was alot of work and calculating to me.....How did you ever get through it...lol...I think I am still as confused as before but hey, that is ok...lol
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whoa... o:
you had fun with this write. now if only i can decipher the secret code lol
this was a fun read despite the ( or maybe because of the mind-twisters)
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Thank you krizaa. lol Go ahead and tell me what parts you think you've got figured out and I'll fill in the blanks. I admit, I may have pulled this one out of the oven too early.
Paul -
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wooo... this sounds like fun
kay number four in the household... she's either a fourth wife or a cat. -
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Four simply refers to the fact that she is one among four people living in the household. (Not that it matters but she's the older woman, then there's her husband and her daughter and her son-in-law)
ok next part, go ahead... -
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darn! she's not a cat. anyways she's a wife. i got something right lol
One combs my
three favorite blue hairs beneath
the clinic stocking cap.
one is a hairdresser and she's coloring your hair blue. you have a plastic cap on and she's threading the strands out and streaking them.
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HAHAHAHAHA!
Yes, I laughed out loud, really.
'One' refers to one of the other people, her daughter, tending to grooming her mother. The clinic stocking cap means she's what...nearly bald right? (only three hairs?) And 'clinic' means she's what....going through chemo see? lol I call this older lady my "favorite" of the four there to make her feel special.
Wow this may be a little more obscure than I thought. lol -
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hmmm... this is serious stuff and you are laughing!
I give thanks five at
their shared mountain home again
where two prior I had finessed
the porch into an “observation deck” –
a view to die for.
you were the architect/carpenter who worked on their porch. I'm very confident about this (:
thanks five.. a highfive...nah ...
you gave them a puppy as a thank-you present. they called him five.
two prior... two months / two years back? -
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Bingo! Yes I enclosed and finished their porch and made it into living space. 'Thanks five' -This is the fifth year that I'm going there for Thanksgiving. And, yes, two refers to two years back.
You're doing good! -
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yesss
Six before,
flowers were sent to a sister -
forgot how many.
She was doing well
too.
a sister... a nun?
her other daughter?
your sister?
your wife?
six before... six days back?
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Six years ago, I sent flowers to that older lady's sister who was ill too, but then she died soon after I sent the flowers.
So now I'm about to go eat Thanksgiving dinner with this family and I want to show affection for this person who has cancer by bringing a bouquet of flowers.
I won't....why?
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you don't want to jinx her progress!
i am genius lol -
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Yyyyes!!!
Thank you for playing my game!
Three bunnies for your effort and entertaining answers.
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you're so not welcome lol
phew! this was hard work. -
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