I hear the crunch of fallen dry leaves ...
Under his trodden booted feet.
He comes here every November.
I stare out my eight pane window .
He kneels, as if to pray.Grasping the apples ...
I watch the breath as if it would freeze in mid air.
Shoving them in a tattered pocket,
He turns his back and is gone into the evening ...
I watch shadows fade before retiring from the window.
Will November come again ...
A contest entry
- A Moment Like This by Rowan.
800 points, ended December 17, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Credit prompt goes to Douglas Goetsch and his beautiful poem ' The Bulbs'
Comments
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I agree with Cvillelisa about the ellipses. Too many take away from the content, which I like alot. The return of the season the man, the unanswerable question. Well done.
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The paragraph form is a good one. You could consider using regular periods instead of all the ellipses. They sort of start to lose meaning en masse. Leaves doesn't need an apostrophe. Kneals is spelled kneels. I'd clean it up a bit to provide the fullest experience for your readers.
Good luck in the contest.
Lisa -
I can feel the chill
I like this poem and I like the unique way you have written it. It is an unusual form. Well done, it is great to do something unique.
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