You came home with the winter light
Eyes haloed blue with a costly education
Things you knew inherently
Indestructible, now
Fragmented so
Finely
The sun receives your sparkling brow
Sweating beads of snow
Things you know
Are not so safe
To trust
A diamond and a broken bottle
Glitter just the same
At a distance best
Maintained
Behind a
Broken
Pane
You came home a splintered sight
A sharpened shard mosaic
A web shattering outward
In the winter sun
Fitful, yet
Formulaic
Author notes
15 The surface of the water glittered like a thousand mirrors
A contest entry
- #160 Prompts Contest by daviscth.
525 points, ended November 24, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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ahhh beautiful
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Damn girly, how did this not win anything???
Beautiful, love the form to. As usual impressed by the depth of feeling I get from your poems.
A diamond and a broken bottle
Glitter just the same
At a distance best
Maintained
Behind a
Broken
Pane
- My fav stanza, I love the fractured rhyme and message behind it. Or at least my interpretation; you don't know what will be the most valuable thing in your life; good decision/bad decision it all looks the same when your perspectives warped or if your point of view is influenced by someone getting in the way.
anyway whatever - I loved it! x
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Thanks so much! I like your interpretation, and I think this poem serves it. For me this was specifically about how hard it can be to trust a person who has deceived you in some way. The last thing you said is very perceptive --- you want to take things at face value, but it's not always so easy depending on which perspective you choose to look from, and sometimes a person can get in the way of themselves if they are clever enough.
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to analyze this. I love to read another person's interpretation of a poem, especially one with such creative merit as yourself.
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This is an interesting and well done take on the prompt!!! I enjoyed the imagery in your poem. Nice job. Thanks for posting in my contest.
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A diamond and a broken bottle
Glitter just the same
At a distance best
Maintained
Behind a
Broken
Pane
I love this, the form, that part in particular. Only problem I have is tripping over "formulaic" at the end, it's a great word, just too many syllables for my head. It's great to see you writing, especially when it's this awesome. I'd almost forgotten why I held you in such high esteem...
thank you for reminding me
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Aw shucks! Thank ya.
I must admit, I'm surprised that the number of syllables in the ending was vexing to you. I actually thought the rhythm of that last stanza played out perfectly - 7, 7, 5, and then "Fitful yet Formulaic" has a combined amount of 7 syllables. It just seemed to work for me, but perhaps I was just being overzealous about rhyming prosaic.
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to read and comment, and for the lovely compliment. ::blush blush::
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