Let me hold you as my lips kiss your lips,
as the love we feel our hearts grips.
Feeling your body so close to mine,
as our limbs we now entwine.
Lying you here on these silk sheets,
ours hearts racing with such rapid beats.
The soft glow from the candle lite sets the mood,
in the privacy of this room we love with nothing to protrude.
I whisper such verses of love in your ear,
letting you know that my words and heart is sincere.
I love you smile that warms my heart,
forever in my mind to see when we are apart.
I love the softness of your kiss,
bringing about such passion I can't resist.
I love the feel of your body next to mine,
a feeling so passionate and divine.
Oh my darling everything about you I love so much,
for no other woman's love my heart does touch.
I long to cuddle with you all night long,
as we embrace such affection that is so strong.
You are the only woman I long to be with forever,
with a love so strong nothing could sever.
Let my lips meet yours in a soft, tender embrace,
as my fingers over your frame they do trace.
I love you more than words can say,
I love you even more that I did yesterday.
For our love stronger each day that goes by,
such emotions I feel for you I would never deny.
Let me love you body, heart and soul,
to the point and beyond where our desire loses control.
Bringing about such wondrous bliss,
that all shall start with just your one sultry....kiss.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is a beautiful poem that I feel could have been so much better. I think that you have tried just a little too hard and in doing so, you have in some cases not quite made it and thus it has spoilt the poem a little.
I believe in the school that each line of a poem is a separate statement or sentence, thus there is no need for commas or full stops at the end of the lines, it also means that each line should start with a capital letter.
There are 32 lines in this poem and you have managed to say a lot within those lines. Because of that I found it a little overpowering, so I feel if it were to be broken up into stanzas of 4 lines each, it will make the poem so much easier to understand.
In order to fit the rhyme into some of the lines, you have moved some of the words about and I found that if thus became a little difficult to see the meaning. On other occasions I felt that the lines are a little too verbose.
Overall, I felt that this could have been a Brilliant poem of love, but it has been spoilt a little by you trying too hard to fit so much into the poem.
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