Lil fanny Pink has a sexual dilemma,
ever since she stepped out with Emma.
The fingers of pleasure
took her pussy at leisure.
Then Emma and Fanny fell out
in a tempest she left in a pout.
This the tale of Fanny post-Emma.
Lil Fanny Pink waited for someone to be her love provider.
So she could put the lesbian Emma behind her,
with a blowjob and a fella called Tom,
after he promised he wouldn't cum.
But he quit in a temper when she said 'No'
in her ass his hard cock could not go.
So he left without spreading her any wider.
Lil Fanny Pink played it plain and straight,
selling wet, french kisses over her garden gate.
No rush for love nor sex,
just little teases to vex,
her desires abound but never sated,
she wanted real love and to be dated,
so she decided she would simply wait.
Now lil Fanny Pink is living with twins,
either bed is her lay, she always wins.
Daisy makes her clit moist so well,
with a tongue inside to ring orgasm's bell.
Then David with his rampant prick slips inside
and bounces Fanny's tits along for the ride.
Her bi-sexual liason has put paid to her has-beens.
Author notes
Notes have been edited the poem hasn't
DLC-Jem
-Must use the following word bank
abound, lesbian, bisexual,blowjob, daisy
-no letter 'I' in your title
-35 lines no more no less
Please include all stipulations in your Authors notes, as well as the following
1. Why you feel you should win this challenge.
2. What you liked and disliked about it
Qyestion 1
The answer to question one is here
I don't want to win this my dear
There is one winner I see too clear
his name is Tattboy.
which spoils the rhyme totally lmao
nuff said!!!
Question 2
Working with Tattboy was the best
a pleasure to repeat
Two things that missed a poet's quest
A tale that was no treat
And magazine was sure misplaced.
Now health is my intention
A choice that has to be faced
so I'm out of contention
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge (Final Round Season 8) by Master Ktulu.
1800 points, ended December 6, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I know this is crap it is meant to be
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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sorry..
I don't 'see' what you see i think this is excellent, very funny and sexy, and chock of great imagery!!
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Just couldn't get my juice going for this one.
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in some ways this does have the feel of a nursery rhyme, read silently or aloud which i have done. i really don't know what to say here, i like it and can see the humor but for me there just seems to be a little something missing here and i'm not sure what it is. in one place for me it does seem as if something was cut off and yet i can see where it wouldn't have worked if you hadn't cut off there.
spelling/grammar=20
presentation=20
grab me=20
how well you handled the challenge=20
overall=20
total=100 -
Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: Fanny Comes Out
This piece tugged hard and though I am not as talented when it comes to Erotic Humor (just like my story writing). I base on how it makes me feel, how reader friendly it is to digest but most of all- did it have cohesiveness I thoroughly enjoyed this story for You were quite Creative and for me at least- I kept feeling a nursery rhyme beat- which I take pleasure in~ While I was reading which I do several times before making a comment~ Images come to me in many forms~ while taking in Your words: I was able to envision the scenario but get a good chuckle at the same time-
You had a challenge of incorporating word bank also line count- now from what I counted- looks like 28 Lines and it appears Your line count was supposed to be 35 no more no less- Unless I misunderstood- Overall I would have certainly found it difficult myself to pen such a piece as this
Execution Wonderful This piece is NOT crap either
brought a smile to my face
I will try to keep this one short but in summary
Magnificent verse entered ~
Challenge Matrix:
spelling/grammar/punctuation- 18
presentation/creativity- 18
how well you handled the challenge-18
"grab me" effect (how much did we enjoy reading this piece)- 18
overall-20
For a total of 92 points
Sensual images & message You have brought forth
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Hope to read more...
Best wishes to You in the challenge Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Jem
I read an re-read this and I am a little disappointed (even though I must say that the humor is far better than I would or could have done). What got me was the fact that you can do so much better and I have come to expect more than this. The big thing that did not work for me was the rhythm. You completely lost me because your flow was all over the place. The story was cute and for that I will give you a good score, but I really think you could have done much more with it than this.
I know how hard these challenges are and you a great competitor. Thank you for showing me how hard this round really was.
Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 19
Creativity/ presentation: 20
Grab me effect: 18
You lost me in the places where your rhythm lost its footing
How well you handled the challenge: 19
Overall: 19
Total: 95 -
Jem
What you view as crap I see something more. I see here a piece that I feel is worthy of first place. This is absolutely hilarious and tastefully erotic at the same time. I will not remove you from contention, even though it is what you ask for, because I believe that you have what it takes to win and could possibly do so.
spelling/grammar/punctuation=20
how well you handled the challenge=20
presentation=20
grab me effect=20
overall=20
Total=100
**Master Ktulu** -
My dear young lady, you are an excellent erotic poet, so why by all the gods of erotica are you writing this?
Your meter is shot to blazes, you have slant rhymes where sharp rhyme is needed, the joke slips all over the place and it isn't even erotic.
If this is for the final round of the challenge it is presumably aimed at the pinacle, how bad must the rest of the challenges have been? Perhaps you and I should set up a proper set.
On the plus side I volunteer to be half the pair of twins.
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Thank You My dearest Dom, I concur with You this is no where near my true self but thats what I intended. I humbly apologise Sir.
I would be honoured to work with You on a challenge series, let me know when we could discuss this.
Love ya
Jem xxx
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