we were ten
but we acted love
struck in the early spring.
he would walk me home
from that stout brick church
not saying a word
only grinning
and blushing
like the breast
of a robin.
i would giggle:
m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i!
beneath the daisy sun
we walked slowly
singing songs
from music class
and searching
for the first
green
blossoms.
and he’d tell me stories
of how my face does not bloom
in his home back in alaska
and that’s why
minnesota spring
shines such
delicate gold.
Author notes
a revision of:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4012613
critques desired.
peace to all ~flight
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WARNING. This contest is completely unexpected. By entering, you are agreeing to the following terms of us:
- We have the right to make you write in any form/style/type of poetry there is on this planet. We will literally murder ourselves sometimes by trying to find even at least one bizarre form. But, then again, you may have easy things too. Or maybe not. You never know.
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- We have the right to eliminate as many people as we want. We may not eliminate anyone until like the second last round. Or we may eliminate almost everyone in the first round and have the contest super short. Again, you never know!
- We have the right to make you write on any genre. Monkeys from another planet, hope, hatred, beauitful underwear. Please don't enter if you are easily offended, as you may have to write on some touchy or controversial topics. Or, you may not. You just can't tell!
- We have the right to disqualify you if we are not pleased by your behaviour, or actions, or something with your poetry (though, most likely not the last one). Though, this is unplanned, you still need to be respectful.
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I, Johanna (flight, Jo) agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
- - -
I will have to write in any genre you want me to in any style requested and will be ready for any suprises/twists.
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
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yes.
I have, in fact, read better peices from you.
You're in.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you
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Yes
Personally, I have read pieces in which I liked more from you, but this was still well done.
I think it could use some more metaphorical/simile images, to make it more powerful. But your raw visuals were well done. -
yes yes yes yes.
everything.
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-
thank you
peace to all ~flight
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