i.
I sleep with your old guitar pick beneath my pillow
lacing my fingers around it whispering "I miss you"
constantly comparing its smooth edges to your calloused fingertips.
I press my lips against it where you teeth made faded marks
just wanting to feel alive again
I want to feel the earth shake beneath my feet
know i'll be alright
that i'll survive this.
ii.
My mouth grows sore from chewing
on year old promises, my finger's raw from clutching at thin air.
I feel as if i'm a butterfly and someone
just torn my wings off and I just cant seem to get up anymore.
I'm stuck in the same scene replaying that night there's nothing left for me.
There's a newspaper clipping nailed to my wall the headline so bold and heartwretching
I wish it was just a warped fantasy:
[Car Crash Kills Four,One Critically Injured]
I was the one.
iii.
I miss the little things.
The sound of your voice and the sweet nothings you breathed into me.
The way your lips curled upward
when you smiled half-hearted, the rush of your skin and the spark in your eye that only I saw.
Those auburn curls that were a little bit too long for my taste but I still loved how they fell in your face.
The way your eyes always shone
could put all jewels to shame they were priceless, beautiful, emerald.
iv.
Its November.
I hate November not because it's cold or because annoying relatives are always visiting but because I always get this overwhelming feeling that something is missing.
I wish I could see all the different shades of you - especially the green of your eyes
v.
I see the sky in grayscale.
The horizon is lined with black and white tiles the clouds drip of blue wax and vanilla shavings.
The scent of the air is of nostalgia and a hint of peppermint.
It's Christmas.
I packed my heart away in cardboard, securing it with ducktape this gift is for itself, no one gets it this year.
vi.
When you lose the one you love its like the world is closing in on you.You're suffocating and there's nothing that can bring him back because death is inevitable you can't beat death because in the end... it always wins.
vii.
I use to count the stars in your eyes but I never did connect them.
I use to believe in the impossible, in love and that fairies existed now I'm not sure if I'll wake up the next day with my heart still intact.
I use to think that I wasn't as broken as I seemed that there was another as amazing as you but there's no one even half that.
I don't believe in anything anymore.
viii.
Today I tug at my heartstrings
trying to match the beating of yours.
Today my heart stopped,
I guess nothing is as easy as it seems
My pockets were lined with silver linings and pipedreams; they burned a hole in my pocket.
Today I poured my insides out to not only realize my heart was already inside out but also that nothing could fix that...nothing at all.
ix.
You were chaos in its most beautiful state,
you reeked of golden hues.
Honorable mention
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