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Playing Those Ivories

Missing image

Dated blouse, sixtie's skirt

Saddle shoe on swell pedal

Dreamy woman plays on ivories

With distant look, while pictures

Of class mates hang near her

              window.

 

Entranced in her own world

Songs of another era ripple

As her fingers creatively play

The familiar tunes of her heart.

 

 

The melodies never left her,

Nor the friend who never came back.

Yes, how many years, she thought

As she played those pearly keys.

 

 

Sniffling back tears,  playing by ear

Those favorites sung as a teenager,

Her nail polish showing hues

Of popular shade she wore

At school years ago.

 

Her mind was far away,

Remembering, remembering.

His face, that face she ever loved.

The drape moved with her last

Line of the song,

"The answer is blowing in the wind"

 

Drowsily she put her head in her

Hands and rested her head on

The top of the baby grand piano

And drifted away to her dreamland

Of teen days long ago.

Author notes

Prompt Bob Dylans'Song "Blowin In The Wind" Bob Dylan's song brought back some memories to me as a young teenager. The pianist also brought back memories...Hope the write brings back some to you. (Print "Interior"..Frederick McCubbin www.art.com) How I loved those days! But to many they were uncertain hard days as we know..Loves were gone never to return or return never the same!

A contest entry

This poem still needs some editing...constructive comments please

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Nicada silver member
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a nostalgic poem ,and you did a great job relating to the picture prompt. You bring the reader right into the scene, and help to share the emotions felt within. Great job, and thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty


  • Paloszoo gold member
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win

    Title Appeal: 9.15 – Unique and intriguing title, befitting for this poem. May give a little too much away about the contents, however. Don’t know if I would click on this, as music isn’t my preferred genre.
    Poem Flow: 7.85 – This is a lovely story, but the lack of end line punctuation, though you have sporadically used some, made for a really quick read. Also, some of the stanzas are just one long sentences wrapped over from one line to the next, thus your poetic voice is lost.
    Depth: 9.65 – Depth is lovely.
    Emotional Impact: 9.25 – Loved the imagery…..took me on a lovely journey, and I was able to embrace the words, though I had to read it twice and slow myself down during the second read in order to fully appreciate the write.
    Spelling and Grammar: 9.5 – One spelling error in the very first line: “sixtie’s” should be “sixty’s”.
    Punctuation and Caps: 8.5 - I hate to mark down this excellent piece, but some of the end line punctuation is missing. I also have a bias against capping each line of a poem. It’s not aesthetically pleasing to me. Proper caps and punctuation, IMO, is soooo important to the power and impact of a poem. Punctuation pauses and stops the reader at the appropriate places so that he/she can reflect on your thoughts and absorb them….connect with them. Just my personal opinion.
    Presentation: 8.25 – Although the stanzas are broken up nicely, I think you’ve lost poetic tone by creating stanzas consisting of long sentences that don’t even have punctuation to break them up.
    Personal Appeal: 9.15 – Overall, I really appreciated this lovely piece.

    My score: 71.30/80.00


  • Draig aine gold member
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    nice


  • poet2angels gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this...
    Such nostalgia ini every line. It felt as if the girl at the piano gre up and wrote this herself...
    Beautifully done

    Lynda


  • Missing Carolina
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You've focused on a particular era with this piano player, but the image of a woman at the piano is a vivid one--I've seen such a scene (heh, heh) many times.


  • dustookie2
    November 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You paint so well this picture and take us all down memory's lane back to days past. The Dylan classics still touch the mind ... I recall having to play this one for music lessons got to appreciate more now than back then. The words and lines flow with imagery as you share your thoughts.Good luck in the contest.


  • poetrandy
    November 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful as it is!

    Rose, my dear -- this is just gorgeous! Yes it does bring back many memories, both good and bad for me! I still love that Dylan song! Your emotional images here are wonderful. the title and last lines resonate perfectly! This poem has super rhythm and I really like your free verse (mostly) here! I would not change this write, Rose! The picture goes so well with the poem, too! Very good work -- almost a perfect 10!!!

  • goalsv
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A great way to show show those feelings from the song and then the painting. Very elaborate and loving words with a hint of saddness. So well done Rose!


  • Rose Angel gold member
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks sis...I agree...so I have changed it...Hope you like it...


  • WolfHeart
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this stanza needs some work.


    One can tell the wall paper was

    The same as the nineteen fifties

    What had happened to bring

    The end of productivity here?

    The drape moved with her last

    Line of the song,

    "The answer is blowing in the wind"

    The end line is great, but somehow I am put off
    by the wallpaper reference - it seemed out of synch with the rest of your thoughts. But that is just my thought.
    Very nicely written otherwise and very enjoyable read.

  • Bob Fox
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Rose

    A wonderful piece of poetry filled with thoughts of a beautiful youth. Those sweet days gone bye. Perhaps one of your very best writes.

1 - 11 of 11