I remember you.
Emotional abuse
Beatings
I remember being a toddler
Defending myself against you
Protecting mom from your drunken wrath
As much as my thirty pound body could.
Memories, subdued by pills, are
Still as painful as they were when I was there
Watching
Defenseless.
None of that matters, now, Dad.
I BEGGED you. I PLEADED.
"Please stop, it's going to kill you!"
And it did.
Finally.
You won't suffer anymore.
You left me to do that for you.
It's been three years, and still I cry.
Not because of who you were
Or what you did to me.
Or what you did to mom.
I cry for who I always WANTED you to be.
I cry because you're the only man whole love I could not attain-
The only man whose love I truly needed.
Instead I'm an emotional blockade
That takes years to break through.
Years of self-loathing and suicide attempts left scars
On my wrists, and on my heart.
I cover up the visible scars with tattoos to take my mind off you.
But the scars on my heart will never be healed.
And the emotional pain you inflicted will sting
Until the day I die.
-----In memory of Bennie Neil Scanlon, Jr., a "stand-up-citizen," alcoholic, abuser, and my father. May he and I both rest in peace.
Comments
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god but how I wish I still knew you, because you seem so very beautiful...still...always... even from the distance, the scars inflicted and the tattoos you think conceal can't cover what shines to the rest of the world...
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Oh how very sad this is...
what an unnecessary hell to go through..
we will only stop writing to the past
when it finally passes....
this seems to be very much with you lass...
a wound that never heals.....
but you have a choice....
keep the anger always
and let him still run things...
or use all that rage he left you to make sure no woman you ever meet will go through what you have...watch after all your sisters...on the street....in your church...in your bars...in your home ....if you see anyone getting close to anything you lived....save them....tell them.....
you just may save one person....and maybe help yourself heal....
Bless you lass,
Lowell poe
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I feel every word, baby...but you know that. This is beautifully written, deeply felt - and true.
I'm so sorry.
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Such Deep
sadness Mary the trail that one leaves behind, causes a ripple effect for years to come, I guess its about knowing the truth! and let it go with forgiveness,
because i know about this!it will follow you every where help you with choices in your life that are not productive, My heart weeps for you Sweet Mary. you wrote a powerfull heart felt poem. I wouldnt change any thing these are your words straight from pains heart!
Blessings and Love
Rend
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