There is a coil of air hidden deep within my lungs,
Unknowingly it escapes with a tide of worries
To a nearby dandelion who has waited so patiently
For a chance to seek its purpose
The naked November days have stripped me bare to winter’s touch
Such numb delicate fingers have caressed away my ability to love
I can only feel the spaces between my teeth
It reminds me of my addiction to peppermint candies
But I have once again lost the sky to the heavens
The trees all look so different and empty,
Their leaves have all fallen prey to the strong fierce winds
For some reason it reminds me so much of my youth
To be stilled by a single thought, a frost has covered me
I can no longer dwell within myself; I’ve become the shadow
That trails behind to scared not to repeat the same mistakes
But I wait patiently for that day
That chance
To be disengaged.
Author notes
inspired by an image by godi called "disengaged."
Prompt: Disengaged.
A contest entry
- disengaged by JinSays.
945 points, ended December 2, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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pure poetry ... you move effortlessly from one type of image/biosphere to another the way coldness and searching does ... your dandelion here sticks out and is with the reader after the poem has been read ... not at one place did my mind go 'what' ... this is complex subject matter and you just play with it like spaghetti through the air whizzing off frisbees ... and, unusual, redemption at the end ... the thing that makes the poem about the reader, instead of the poet ... a very hard feat to learn, but it is done so smoothly, offhandedly in the final stanza, you do it instinctively, i'd bet and don't even know you did it. Yes?
I may have to make room for an llth in list of favs ...
but that is okay ... odd numbers have a true center
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No I hadn't considered it in that light, but it takes a reader and not the poet to see it. Thank you, your comments have been very insightful.
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But I have once again lost the sky to the heavens
The trees all look so different and empty,
Their leaves have all fallen prey to the strong fierce winds
For some reason it reminds me so much of my youth
Wonderful,
I wish you the best in this contest,
Love,
jin
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