I am all that is left alive on the earth now
I watched the horror of the vengeance vow
I cheered as humanity took its final bow
For it was they who raped my mother
Then came and ripped away my brother
They showed indifference like no other
I am all that can breathe this poisoned air
Because humanity never took time to care
Never hearing my whisperings “beware”
As they built their arsenal of killer toys
Using security propaganda as its decoy
Their ultimate weapon they did deploy
To see again the sun is my only wish
For without it I will forever languish
To truly live I must once again flourish
I am all that is left alive on the earth now
I watched the horror of the vengeance vow
I cheered as humanity took its final bow
But now I have been made painfully aware
The sadness and finality of this whole affair
My own end I may soon be forced to declare
For without water, sustenance and light
I can never regain my former glorious might
Even after I put up the bravest kind of fight
I can feel my roots beginning to slowly die
As I look now upon the desolate gray sky
It is now also the time to say my final goodbye
I watched the horror of the vengeance vow
I cheered as humanity took its final bow
There is nothing left alive on earth now
Author notes
this is a contest entry, based on a picture called "The tree of Burden" by Z. Beksinski it made me think of a strange nuclear winter, so this is what i came up with, i really hope this works
A contest entry
- Lose yourself. by oceanbluize.
1600 points, ended November 27, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR BEST PRWRITE EVER DONE! by Lanasaur.
550 points, ended January 25, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
does it seem forced or does it flow?
Comments
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I loved this piece! That photo is so weird! Tee hee! Well, thanks for a brilliant share! Best wishes to you!
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Wow.
I don't like rhyme, but this is fantastic! Definitely flow! I love the title and how it relates to the rest of the poem (obviously) and the repetition of the first verse... I don't think there's any room for improvement: it's perfect!
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OMG
THIS IS WOW I LOVE IT I CAN REALLY FEEL THE EMOTION THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR ENTERING MY CONTEST AND MUCH LUCK -
perfect
great rhyme scheme
everything just flowed perfectly
and this makes me realy want to look at that picture. -
This was a beautiful poem full of sadness and a lot of wiseness. Trees are indeed our life and without them, we will lose. You spoke for that tree so wonderfully and the whole piece was just so enjoyable. I think my favourite line is the one 'I cheered as humanity took its final bow' Great line, but unfortunate for the tree because humnaity had destroyed him to. Excellent write.
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great
awsomw write
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I like this alot, I have never seen this style of rhyming with only three rhyimg lines like his...very interesting and cool....it is something that I might have to ry sometime. I was going to ask if you could message me a linkto that picture, though I will, of course, understand if you cannot. I think this has got to be my fav orite part...
As they built their arsenal of killer toys
Using security propaganda as its decoy
Their ultimate weapon they did deploy
As for your comment question....yes, it does seem a little forced. Key word here...LITTLE, I'm new to this style so maybe its supposed to sound like that, I vividly remember when every rhyme sounded forced to me....though I was little then it just took some getting used to...I would bet just about anything that this also takes somegetting used to. I don't read otehr poems very much (yeah, I am a little bit selfish like that...I'm hard to impress) so I am really just used to my own style...but I'm tryign to start branching out a little bit.
Woah...sorry that was so long...completely understand if you do not read all of it...sorry!!
--Pet
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I feel that this piece brought the very story to the picture. But most important of all I believe it also gives it's reader an important message that this can happen if we don't take care of our planet. Excellent flow and a really great write.
Thank you for sharing this.
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Excellent flow and brilliant imagery. The most terrifying part is that this could really be our future. There's much truth to be found here. Thanks for sharing.
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This reminds me so much of the Kansas 'Monolith' album cover, which shows Indians wearing sort of space helmets so they can breathe as they hold some kind of ceremony in the middle of destroyed and abandoned freeway ramp supports.
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Dark!
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It flow's really well. I like the 3 line stanza style. I'm not sure of the name of it, but it's not the usual style. It really compliments the picture. The emotions it creates go well with the picture. Well done. Good luck on the contest.
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Oh yeah! It works, very very well I might add...a splendid write! Good luck!
Love, Ocean.
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Excellent
Very effective. I feel it strongly. It IS The End...
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as probably intended as doing, this left me with a dry feeling... an emptiness. the wording with that prompt was well done.
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Great images, emotions - well done!!
best wishes in your contest.
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Wonderful Poem
You have penned stunning imagery to bring out the bleakness in this powerful poem. A pleasure to read. Best of luck. Take care. Sandy
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LOL nevermind i miss read, LOL i guess i need to add to mine damn.
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lovely write speaking much truth.
btw. the contest has a five line limit, but dont change a thing, take the DQ and save the wordart.
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I love it immensily! but seriously that can be a future easily achieved if human kind doesnt take care. I would only change one word in thw whole thing. Other than that...perfect!
The more I read this piece I swear the morr i Agree and love it. I swear you nailed this one right on the head.
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Harsh and stinging. Just a great take on the prompt.
"But now I have been made painfully aware
The sadness and finality of this whole affair
My own end I may soon be forced to declare"
For some reason this verse just whacked me between the eyes. I wish you the best of luck in this contest.
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