My mom is relaxing in the Lay-Z-Boy,
My brothers and me hanging on the couch,
All watching cartoons without a worry
Then the door opens and my father comes in,
He's drunk....again
I was too young to understand what was happenin.
He ask my mom for money,
Drug money.
Of course we didn't have any.
In his need for another hit of crack
He starts to grind his teeth.
I see his red face get redder.
Then, suddenly, he just yells "GET OUT!"
My mom defiant as she is,
says no...
He turns on her
Tells her to get out...again
She stands defiantly
By this time we're all sobbing
Not understanding
Yet understanding...
My father then grabs her,
By the neck and slams her against the door.
I feel her terror so true
The fear for her life was evident,
She gives in but still doesn't cry.
Me and my brothers were crying.
She gets us into the car,
Drives us off down the street.
Then, she just broke down into sobbing.
Seeing the man she used to love,
Want to slam her into a door.
And I'm still traumatized...
Author notes
True Story
A contest entry
- Make Me Cry by SeptemberFaith.
800 points, ended January 9, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be as honest as you can
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Powerful story well told. Only change would be to remove the comma after her in line 22. The language is straight forward and simple, like the child being seered by this event.
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Can I kick your dad's ass?
PWEASE?! Shameful how people let themselves become sucked into the influence of that stuff..
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Wow. Nearly brought me to tears, I don't think I'd be able to write about something like this. Its really good Bill.
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This is really sad and touching. I think that if you were going to do a story form, it might have been better in actual story form. This to me felt a little rushed when I read it, like I had to hurry through.
Criss -
Outstanding
This must have been such a difficult experience to live through seeing your mum being hurt in this way. I thought you described your feelings very well - how you were too young to properly understand what was happening. We live in very difficult times and more should be done for people addicted to drugs and their families. The heart ache is very real. Best of luck in the contest.
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What a horrific story, yet told so honestly, and matter of fact. Full of emotional drama and vivid imagery. Sad story, yet great write. Domestic Violence never has just one victim, especially when there are children involved. I know! I am a survivor.~angel
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Oh.. this is a horrible story you are describing here, it is so brave to come out with it. It really moved me and put me behind your eyes. Hope your days are getting somewhat better, and that you see some light far there in front of you now.
Thanks for sharing and for the read.
Lad
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don't worry I'm way past it...but thanks for the concern.
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Hello, seventeen year old guy from Kansas.
I was hoping this wasn’t a true story but I
see you say it is. I am so sorry.
Sometimes a child will grow into the same
sort of person who traumatized him most
when he was a child. You take care and
don’t do that. OK?
I don’t see any thing here that I would change.
There are little things like using quotation
marks around what your mother said (no).
Small thing.
The picture is VERY clear. I found no
misspellings except my spell check
program wanted you to put an
apostrophe where you left off the “g”
on happenin. Small thing.
Good work.
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Wow, very well done, your story is heartbreaking, and i agree with YOtta, to write about it then sharing it is very brave of you. Your emotions are portrayed very well in this piece. You don't just tell us your story in this poem but you show it as well. Very touching, and great job, thank you for posting. Keep on writing=]
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First impression I got is that you’re writing your story through that little terrified kids eyes (which you once were) and not as an adult remembering the past; this really moved me, you painted the whole scene using simple words that only innocence could prevail.
Thank you for sharing your story, very brave of you.
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