Dark caress –
Shadows mesh –
Alone standing –
No landing.
Her fall –
Went without grace –
Only to find a dark embrace
Waiting.
Holding out a hand –
It grabbed –
Entwined –
Hair dark as night
Eyes, silver moons.
No glow –
Hidden low.
Shadows mesh –
Sweet caress –
Serpents flee –
But no free.
Cruel smiles –
Blood and guile.
In Shadows hide –
Her words lied.
Silence –
Shadows and silver.
Author notes
I wrote this poem on impulse in about five minutes, so it probably needs A LOT of work still... but I fixed it the best I could before entering it... but the help of my fellow AP members would be much appreciated! I hope someone out there does like it... if not... aw well... Try again next time, I guess... XP
~Ayven
A contest entry
- Standing in the shadows by Just a poet.
1000 points, ended December 5, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
First Impression?
Comments
-
First thing to note is it was completely unreadable on the background! Adding ?notheme=1 to the end of thr url gives me a poem to read.
I think you are right there is the core of some good poetry here but it has no continuity or flow. I think you would do well to read it aloud to yourself several times and then try to give it a more consistent feel.
Thank-you for the entry though the content is though provoking.
JaP
Adding your comment:
