Frustration and anger fills my mind
Expands my soul
And makes me explode
Depression so deep
But I do not let it show
No one needs to know
Demons and evil thoughts
Is taking a toll on me
Desires within will not let me be
Alone and restless
Desperate for salvation
Resisting the fight of temptation
A lonely path of forgotten days
Nothing ever remains the same
A broken world of shattered dreams
Drowning in darkness that no one sees
Fear consumes the heart
Leaves no mercy or way out
Only a feeling of horrible doubt
Blaming others
For the devastating failures
Blown away on a cloud of dust
In him I just cannot trust
Waiting on the wings of destiny
Taking a dive into holy matrimony
A terrible mistake to have made
My biggest regret is taking your name
To end it now and walk away
Forget it all and not get caught
Would be the ultimate gain
To keep me from going completely insane
A contest entry
- & I should know, that you're no good for me. by innocence jaded.xx.
1300 points, ended November 27, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Addicted to Pain by xXCadyBabbiXx.
900 points, ended January 3, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
real life experience....
Comments
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Thanks for entering!
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Feelings as clearly stated as this reach readers directly, pain and all. One could say, mission accomplished! Something like this can be therapeutic too, removing author-pressure that would be unhealthy. Point two achieved. The ending is--as it should be--at the end, remarkably strong. In terms of content, Bingo! Most of all it 'rings true.'
It hurts to read it.
Technically, other than personal style, no serious difficulty surfaces. In grammar, it is very common and not your fault. (IM follows.)
In spelling, "darkness that no one sees" It is great to see 'no one' correctly written! It is one of the most common mistakes. (It is NOT noone)
I do have an issue however, with the people who have taught you to start every line with a capital. Not your fault, but why, when there is no puctuation at all? Without capitals it would read smoothly without interruption or unnecessary expectation.
A lot of meaning lives in the sentences that start with a capital and end with !, ?, or period. Unless interested I will not take time to demonstrate that in the IM. Otherwise, please let me know. (I have been stung before.)
As a matter of personal style do what you do.
Terry
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thank you so much for your detailed comment! i really appreciate it.
im not sure why i started every sentence with a capital letter actually lol. usually i dont, if you look at some of my other writtings. again thanks for the comment!
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