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The Last Petal

Seasons of exquisite complexities

are merely four inevitable simplicities

And throughout the one we call winter

we revel admist foggy white splinter

And on the cosy sofa on which we huddle

we watch the collection of a puddle

we observe strange purities known to man as ice -

whilst mother slaves away feminine role to add spice

A sudden rush of fortune, of family wealth

as little Katie yells too loud for her health

"Kwick mom, dad the last petals falling!"

immediate gaping mouths eye the death of the rose one early winter morning

 

A contest entry

Tell me what you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Rhythm Child
    November 27, 2008

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    great entry
    thanks for taking part, wishing you luck would be an insult to your talent so take care

    message me for anything
    Billy (Rhythm Child)


  • pumpykin
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is beautiful =D


  • catalyst.
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    immediate gaping mouths eye the death of the rose one early winter morning

    I really loved the imagery in this. Also the rhym was not forced which is very hard too do I also love how the ending really twisted away from what you would expect.


    • ConjurerCaptainTam
      November 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yeah the last line is abit random - i just wanted to sum it up

      thanks for nice comment and points etc - ive read a few of ur stuff & really like it i have to say u are gifted