Welcome to a network of grief;
injected tendrils pumping pain,
eyes bulge, corpuscles splitting,
watching me intricately carving
your name at the head of my revenge.
This is the calligraphy of hate,
all focused upon your actions;
an etching of your future terror,
my silence is now broken,
the air saturated by your shrieking.
Author notes
Word Prompt: Carving
A contest entry
- Pick a word - Write a Poem in 10 LINES or less (C) by The Fun House.
1050 points, ended December 14, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Creative and it has a unqiue edge to it that I can sink my teeth into. Personally I would not alter this one. Tis strong and well done.
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To go with the flow here, this was stunning. Your use of language isn't something that I see all too often, and it's lovely to be able to soak in the written word for a moment.
That said (and don't hate me for being pedantic about my comments) but I couldn't help feeling that the second to last line didn't flow quite as well as the rest. Something about it seemed almost... forced. Not so much that it threw the whole piece off, just enough that I noticed.
But other that that... my muse is now hiding its head in shame
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Raw, dark and dangerous. I expected you'd choose a sinister word. One day you'll choose something like cuddles and surprise me
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A good one here from you hon! This was nicely written. Good luck in the contest
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