Breath,
In earth,
Damp soils call,
For sweet water,
A being lies alone,
A sprout of growing life,
Calls out in hunger for you,
Drying out, without your tender touch,
It’s healing, with the juice of your heart,
As this beauty lives, your fragile being dies.
Author notes
Breath,
In earth,
Damp soils call,
For sweet water,
A being lies alone,
A sprout of growing life,
Calls out in hunger for you,
Drying out, without your tender touch,
It’s healing, with the juice of your heart,
As this beauty lives, your fragile being dies.
A contest entry
- Poetic Form: Etheree - Prompt - Earth by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended December 27, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Thank you for your entry
This reads to me as if a flower is growing and dying because it doesn't get the nourishment it needs from the Earth, though you do mention the Earth this seems more about flowers than Earth.
As for the form, you tried hard but there were a couple of lines where your syllable count was off.
This line should have been five syllables you have six.
"A be-ing lies a-lone,"
This one was supposed to be 8 syllables but you have 9
"Dry-ing out, with-out your ten-der touch,"
This one was to be 10 syllables but you had 11
"As this beau-ty lives, your fra-gile be-ing dies."
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
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I like this form of poetry a lot. You write very well in this way, there is some really deep, earthy, sweet natural imagery that really gets you into the whole mood of the poem. And none of it is cliched or anything, it all just sits in there perfectly. I really especially liked the lines "it's healing, with the juice of your heart" and "as this beauty lives, your fragile being dies." A pure delight to read. May your talent as a poet grow so sweetly and beautifully as your "sprout of growing life."
x
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Yes! An etheree...I have not done one yet...But I love it...Your words are so spiritual, and powerful....Bookmarked, daughter!
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yay! thats an awesome form hehehe
the last line is really stron
why do u have the poem again the author notes? :S
xxx
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