who knew?
here,
our yesterdays will last forever...
... i did
A contest entry
- In ten words by Lavender Butterfly.
550 points, ended November 22, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Superb Plus
A very fine write. As I'm sure you know, there is a famous song with this same title: "Yesterday", by the Beatles. Here's a couple of links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdCjaiXmUb0
http://www.metrolyrics.com/yesterday-lyrics-beatles.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yesterday_(song)
I remember The Beatles, when they first appeared on the old Ed Sullivan TV Show. -
like getting shot with a shotgun...
that last little "i did" was a clever little punch...I really like the complexity tied into such little words...You know you write well if you don't need very many words to make a big impression...excellent write...
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maybe its too late for me to be reading such heavy stuff, but i sense that there is a huge deep meaning that i am totally not getting...i like the ending, its kinda indicitive of loyalty, and perseverence in love, and that you always knew that the yesterdays would last forever. and the question at the beginning sets up the rest of the poem very well. it adds a sense of mystery to love that is too often lost. awesome poem, i really like it.
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Opps.
I never commented on this one I guess! Sorry! Anyways, I really like this one. Very short but full of lots of meaning and stuff. Great job, keep on a postin! Happy Thanksgiving lil bro!
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Wow, whoa, something so simple yet it could make someone gasp to read it unexpected or even shed a tear
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Excellent
A cool write, indeed. I don't think I would want to last forever. It took long enough to become a Senior Citizen! lol Very well written.
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just precious... x
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the question who knew??? that starts this out with a bit of mystery, a wondering to what we are supposed to know... yet that same question makes it seem that the WHO isn't what it's all about, it's the what. good way to start and make us think with the first 2 words.
and so you continue...
HERE. wonderful single word... there's something in the word HERE that is strong... it can mean time or place... as if it takes me to the very spot you want me to be... HERE. and once there, you let the reader know the importance of here.
yesterdays will last forever... holding onto yesterdays, but not in a clinging way, but in a way that shows that what was shared in those yesterdays will not be forgotten... and will be cherished.
then the 'i did'... the unexpected answer of who knew... SOOOO STRONG how you used it here. it not only completes a wonderful thought, but gives hope to the readers that there is someone out there who isn't afraid and knows what the commitment of yesterdays lasting forever is.
i also thought of another layer to this.. a deeper one. how our HERE could be after our death (wonder what made me think of death) but how the HERE is where we will stand at that moment... where truly, our yesterdays WILL be our forever.
which then also makes the 'i did' a POWER ending, pulling it all together and making me finish reading with my mouth open in awe.
wow.. 10 words, and so much meaning... and more than one meaning in them...
i think im in more than awe...
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Our yesterday's pave the road to the present and future! And once again - Your writing rocks royally. So few words said here, but the meaning goes on endlessly. You did such a great job with this....but you always do!! You're my hero...what can I say?
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Aw, this is so very sweet and touching. I like this a lot. I wish you the best of luck in this contest here.
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