It's amazing
how i felt
the things i did
the feelings i dealt
I wanted you So bad
that i couldn't stand
to watch her
hold your hands
I felt that jealousy
and envy inside
i felt the anger
begin to arise
I remembered your imperfections
and only because
there so many things
that were considered flaws
Ugh
you sicken me
just get on out of here
you have feet
I wouldn't take you back
even if I had the chance
i've let go
of our romance
I've got someone new
someone who loves me
unlike you
Sorry its not my best,i'e had writers block,so i'm sorry about that!!!I do hope you still like it though!!
Comments
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OK
I know that I am random man #42, but I thought your poem was pretty good.
You slacked in the stanza starting on line 17: "Ugh you sicken me just get on out of here you have feet". Up to that poem I was taken up in the memory of my fiance being jealous of a girl that - apparently - liked me and was constantly hitting on me, the great thing is that my fiance was somebody else's girlfriend at the time
.
Anyway - putting my rant aside - the use of "ugh" really detracted from the feel of the poem. In fact, the stanza seems a bit out of place and on review it seems that you suddenly changed subject matter.
Other than this variant, I would say that your work could improve by taking the use of words like "jealousy" and expanding upon them using concrete words. That part is all up to you, though.
An OK poem that could be improved. Still, I give you two applause with two smiles for good measure.
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